{stubborn} hope

More Memories

2011-04-28T10:16:00.003-05:00

As kids, whenever we would pull Grandpa's ears, his teeth would magically fall out. We did this for years and years, never tiring of the trick!

Grandpa wasn't easily impressed. One of my favorite stories was when he was in Iowa for a visit and I was making small talk with him and my parents' dear friend, Peter. I said, "Grandpa, can you believe Pete just turned 50 this year and ran a marathon!?" Grandpa's response was, "So what? Jews have been running their whole lives!"

Grandpa loved my kids. He really had a deep fondness and connection with them, even though he only got to see them once or twice a year. We've spoken on the phone frequently throughout my adult years and every single time we spoke he asked about my boys. How was Eliot? Was he still smart as a whip? He's such a tender, sweet boy, that one. How about Emerson? Such a quiet, reserved boy. Just like his dad. Grandpa Nat loved my husband Matt and often told him that he felt like Matt was a great listener and he felt he could talk to Matt about anything. And, how about that Hammy? Did you REALLY name him after my father? What an honor. Hammy is such a funny child. Watch out. He likes to tell stories and have the attention of the crowd. Reminds me of someone I know!

Grandpa and Hammy had a very special bond over Grandpa's glasses and Grandpa's cane. Hammy sat many times on Grandpa's lap and took his glasses on and off, on and off. They played this game for hours during their visits. And, Grandpa Nat's cane often became a microphone for Hammy. They really were two peas in a pod. :)

I wish so much that Grandpa could have gotten to know our little girl, Scarlett Rose. And, yet, somehow she is a constant reminder of him to me. She has his mouth. We call her Grandpa Nat a lot! :)

Grandpa leaves a big legacy. I'm grateful to be in it.

Heavy Heart

2011-04-27T22:36:00.004-05:00

I know I hardly ever post and so probably no one even reads this blog anymore, but for some reason I just can't bring myself to do it frequently. I think it's a combination of exhaustion and intimidation. I'm really shooting for fabulous here and it's not working out.

But, tonight I have a reason to write and I don't really care if it's good. My Grandpa Nat, the only grandpa I have ever known, has passed away. I just want to write out some of my memories and thoughts I have of him.

Grandpa was a big man. Not just in stature, which he was, but also in spirit. Grandpa had a way of commanding the attention of everyone in a room. As kids we'd beg him to share over and over the same stories we loved to hear...about when he met my grandma when he was working in the candy shop his family owned. He has told the story a few different ways, all very compelling. But, my favorite way was that when my great-grandma Fannie brought 15 year old Shirley in to for an ice cream shake Grandpa was so mesmerized by her beauty that while he was making her shake he got distracted and the ice cream spilled to the floor.

He told stories of their early romance. Their first date. Dinner (which Grandma wouldn't allow Grandpa to pay for because she didn't want to "owe" him anything later), and a concert. He told how they rode the subway home and waiting for them outside the stop in Brooklyn, NY was Grandma Fannie, in her robe and slippers, worried sick.

Grandpa's babysitting business. Grandma was the vice president. They especially loved to go babysitting together and remembered fondly the time when all the children were tucked into bed. :)

He also told stories about his childhood. Growing up during the depression, knowing first-hand what it felt like to live paycheck to paycheck and then to suddenly lose that paycheck. Watching his parents struggle, worrying about the next meal, sharing their home with many relatives in order to survive.

He told stories about how he graduated high school very young, joined the army, got married, became a father. About going to college and graduate school while working full time and supporting a small family. About moving to a house on long island and raising his family. His greatest pride and accomplishment.

Grandpa was a storyteller. And, about 6 years ago this very month I took a trip by myself to stay with Grandpa and Grandma to record their stories. I just listened to them again recently. I can still hear his voice. I can see his facial expressions while he speaks. I am so sad I won't ever hear those stories from his lips again.

I was able to visit last summer, when he was just recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I sat with him and talked one morning on their back porch. I asked him what he was most proud of in his life. He answered this: Family. Nothing, nothing, nothing was more important to him than his family. He spoke of each of his children with such admiration and pride. And, with all our differences and disagreements, Grandpa Nat loved his family fiercely and would do anything for any one of us. He was married to my beautiful Grandma Shirley for over 65 years. He still spoke of her as if they'd just fallen in love. She has always been the most beautiful woman he'd ever known.

I am honored to be a part of this beautiful family. I will be honored if in my final days, I too, can say that my greatest pride and accomplishment is my family. Rest in peace, dear Grandpa. I love you so much.

Happenings

2011-01-07T13:57:00.003-06:00

Well, we've had an interesting Christmas break. It was shorter than usual since Matt had more classes to prepare for than usual. Bummer. And, we got sick twice. So, unfortunately it went fast and didn't feel as FUN as usual. But, we're all ok and we did have a few days to lay around and just be together.

We started up school again this week after a looooong break. Wasn't the smoothest transition. Between us recovering from the stomach flu and just how difficult that transition can be anyway, I'm assuming we had all the odds stacked against us. :) We'll do better next week!

Now, we're looking ahead to Scarlett's birthday. Next week. Seriously. Sigh. Makes me sad and happy at the same time. I can honestly say I've enjoyed this first year with her more than I usually get to with my babies. Probably because I know she's the last one. And because she was the only girl. Either way. I'm thankful for this last year. And, at the same time, I'm thrilled to be moving onto a different stage with our family. Big kid stuff. Vacations. Outings that don't have to revolve around someone's naptime. And, deeper more meaningful conversations with the kids. You know, as opposed to things like their bathroom habits...or obsessions.

Hope you're having a great week!

Christmas 2010

2010-12-25T22:49:00.005-06:00

Just a few pictures from our wonderful Christmas season. Hopefully this is a new beginning for this blog as well. I'd like to post something every few days or at least once a week. Even if it is just pictures! :) Enjoy!

Eliot LOVES Diary of a Wimpy Kid!

OOOOOH! Eliot made Hammy an ornament! :)

Mama kisses!

Chocolate Emerson!

Scarlett discovered Gramma Debbie's homemade whip cream!

Snuggles on the couch.

Cute kids in matching jammies!

Cutie pie cousins.

Nature Hike

2010-06-13T15:47:00.005-05:00

I took the kids to the Jester Park Natural Playscape this week. We met up with our friends, the Vansickel's. We had such a blast! Our friends couldn't stay long but we did get to have a picnic lunch with them. After they left we got to take a hike just me and my kiddos. It started out just walking and then it turned into who could find the biggest stick. Then it was stick fighting. And then it became a marching rock band. And ended up in a lot of laughing! I just snapped away with my camera trying to capture the moments. Jester Park is just beautiful! The Natural Playscape is filled with all sorts of great things for the kids to do. Mine chose to play in the water and look for frogs most of the time.

Lookin' for frogs!

This Aurora. She and Eliot would make such gorgeous babies don't you think???

Katie holding Scarlett

Best buddies

This makes me laugh because it looks like Emerson is peeing all over Hammie! Haha! I'm sick.

Ok, now that we're on a hike, we obviously need sticks...

And, OBVIOUSLY, we need to have a stick fight....

Quick Mom! Take the picture so we can get right back to fighting!!!

Scarlett understands boys as much as I do.

Awww...now this I love...here's a flower I picked for you Mommy!

My special presents from the boys...I got LOTS of these flowers and rocks on our walk! :)

Ok, boys now can we do something Mommy understands? Like traveling rock band?! Notice the air guitar! :)

Hammie was on the drums, Emerson did the violin with his sticks and Eliot did the piano...atta boys!

The ride home was unusually quiet. I have no idea why....

lemony, buttery goodness

2010-05-27T15:19:00.003-05:00

i don't have time. for anything really. i'm too tired and overwhelmed to deal with life most days. what makes me happy is cooking healthy whole foods. it just does. it doesn't feel like work, it feels nurturing. it doesn't feel hard or overwhelming, it feels relaxing and freeing. so...please know that we all have our strengths and weaknesses. we all have gifts. not everyone feels that cooking vegetables gives them peace and joy. some people get joy from cleaning their home. that is not me. sorry.

anyway, i had one of the worst days yesterday. one of THOSE days. i screamed so loud at my kids one time that my throat hurt. so after a long hard day the one thing i could think of that would make me really happy was to cook something great. we're part of a CSA where we get a big box of organic veggie each week. just absolutely divine! they gave us a recipe for the broccoli rabe, which is super delish! anyway, it was with pasta and lemon and parmesan cheese. oh boy. i tweaked it a little by adding more veggies and salmon but really it's a simple recipe and should be kept that way!

so just in case this brings you a smidge of joy or peace, i'll share the recipe! and, fortunately, it isn't hard. so even if you just have to cook dinner because you have to or you won't eat then this is something that'll taste good when you stick it in your mouth and chew it.

here ya go:

1lb salmon with just a little butter, salt and maybe a squeeze of lemon juice if you want. then grill it.

1lb (or more) of pasta. i used quinoa spaghetti because we're gluten-free over here

garlic or green garlic (i used green because we got it from the farm)

juice of 1 lemon

lotsa butter

handful of chopped herbs (i used tarragon from the farm, but sage or really any herb would be fine)

big hunk of parm cheese, freshly grated

a few bunches of broccoli rabe (or whatever greens you want...spinach would be great or turnip greens...)

some asparagus (maybe 10 spears or so??), chopped into bite sized pieces

in large pot boil water

add the broccoli rabe or greens for just a couple minutes, then take out of the water, chop, and put off to the side

boil the noodles as directed on package

meanwhile...in a large pan saute garlic and asparagus in olive oil and/or butter on medium/high heat

when asparagus feels just slightly tender (after about 5 minutes or so), add the other greens and maybe a tad of the boiling water from the pot next to you so it doesn't stick to the pan. saute until everything is fork tender...a few more minutes...

season the veggies with salt, pepper and a touch of crushed red pepper flake...if you can handle it

when the pasta is done, drain and put back into the empty pot with large pad of butter and a little more salt or herbamare (my favorite seasoning)

squeeze the juice of 1 lemon over the pasta

add the veggie mixture and toss all together

then, are you ready for this? sprinkle all the chopped herbs and freshly grated parmesan cheese over the whole thing and just barely stir it in. serve with salmon on the side or mix right into pasta. and die and go to heaven. your welcome. the end.

First Game of the Season

2010-04-24T18:12:00.006-05:00

Eliot LOVES sports! I mean....REALLY loves them! Today he could barely eat before his big game he was so excited/nervous! :) He's pretty good too! He hit all three times at bat and two of the times he hit it on the first try...always at least getting a single. He's so super cute out there! This is the second year he is doing Little League and his daddy has been the assistant coach both years. Gotta say, there's nothin' sexier to me than Matt coaching ball. Sorry about that. A girl's gotta tell the truth! Here's some pictures....

The little boys had fun too. My Mom and Dad came to watch so they helped out with them a lot! Scarlett just slept in my baby wrap the whole time and I forgot to get pictures of that. But, here are some cute ones of Emerson and Hammie...

you gotta see these

2010-04-09T20:47:00.001-05:00

go here to look at these amazing necklaces! they're having a giveaway for mother's day! go enter to win!

One Nice Day

2010-03-19T22:00:00.008-06:00

Because of Matt's fabulous job as a college instructor, we have the joy f having all the college breaks! This last week was spring break which turned out to not be quite as relaxing as we'd hoped. But, there was one nice day that was warm enough to go play outside...which we did the whole day!

Eliot wanted me to take his picture while climbing the play structure at the park.

So proud of himself!

Pretty sure Eliot's favorite pastime this summer will be skateboarding.

Emerson wheeling his bike to the sidewalk...with his "B" draped on the steering wheel. We'll see how this works out.

Stopping to make some minor adjustments.

Aaaaaaaaand, we're off!

Cute boy

All our kids love playing this game where they try to kick us when we're pushing them on the swings. Hammie was laughing hysterically every time he'd kick Matt! :)

He has his own water bottle but he likes our huge one better. Doesn't matter that he can barely pick it up!

It was so windy this day and it kept blowing Matt's shirt up making him appear a tad bit fluffier than normal...just a tad!

The only evidence we have that Scarlett was with us on this long day outside is this picture where her feet are showing! :) It was windy and she slept just about the whole time in there! We're sad our spring break is over, but thankful to have had a nice time together! Can't wait for more outdoor fun...better keep getting warmer around here. We're ready for SPRING!!!!

Wassup

2010-03-14T13:25:00.013-06:00

Since I rarely have time to blog about my day, I'll just take you on a little picture tour of our lives over the last few weeks.

This is my amazing midwife, Cosette. I can't believe that after having 3 births with her, this is the first time I've ever gotten a picture of her with my baby. And, this was at Scarlett's 6 week visit! I love Cosette and want to be like her when I grow up.

This is where you'll find Emerson much of the time. If he could hold and take care of Scarlett all day he would. They have a very special bond...it seems like Emerson gets more smiles than anyone else...besides Mommy! :)

This is silly Abraham after begging me to take his picture. He's quite the performer. We think he looks like Chris Farley...in the best way possible, of course.

You know I never promised things would be pretty here. Just thought you might want to see what I look like these days. Tired. Notice the dark circles under the eyes. Notice the crazy hair and the old t-shirt. Oh and there's a baby in that pouch, hence the dark circles, crazy hair and old t-shirt. And, no, I am not posing. That's just me trying to take a picture of myself without seeing the camera. So I put it on my head. I told you I was tired.

This is what my kids do A LOT. Read. But especially when I switch our book shelf out for "new books"...like this:

I try to switch out our books every month or so. This month I gathered a lot of our non-fiction books and put them on this great bookshelf my mother-in-law bought for us. I LOVE this shelf. The kids can see their choices without taking out all the books we own to find what they're looking for! And, I love to chose topics or themes that go along with what we're learning for school. We've been talking about archaelogy so I put our library books on the topic on here too.

One of my favorite splurges we do every year is purchase a family pass to the Science Center. We go as much as we can. This is our friend Rey measuring how tall the boys had built this tower made from...I'm not really sure what it is actually. Rubber? Big dominos? Whatever, too tired to notice but....they had a blast.

This was last night. The boys were snuggled up near Matt reading books. When Eliot saw I was taking a picture he pretended he wasn't actually listening to that silly kids book. Courdory? Who's that?

Gotcha!

I'm feeling SPRINGY

2010-03-03T08:49:00.002-06:00

Ok, so there's still like 3 feet of snow on the ground over here, but I'm feeling so motivated to clean out stuff, organize stuff and simplify! As it pertains to my blog, I'm feeling like it's too "official-looking"...so much so that I've been intimidated to write here frequently. I want it to be a place I can just put one picture up without the pressure to write paragraphs...which I just so rarely have time for! :) So, I am wanting to freshen things up here. Change the look. Change the feel. So, expect that to come soon! For now, enjoy these pictures of Scarlett. She's 7 weeks now (although these pics were taken at 6 weeks, with the exception of the last one which was 4 or 5 weeks I think). I can't believe how quickly this is going. I want her to stop growing, slow down. I just don't want this phase to end. She is an amazing baby! She sleeps well (for a baby of mine!) she eats well, she almost never cries, and smiles all the time. She's just a total joy to our whole family. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that she's just everyone's pride and joy...even to her big brothers who are crazy about her! :)

Scarlett Rose

2010-01-24T15:43:00.003-06:00

please don't feel like you have to read this if it doesn't interest you! :) some of you have asked me to share scarlett's birth story and it's an honor to do so. honestly, matt and i really were hoping to get through a few more days before she was born because he is an instructor at DMACC and it was the first day of classes! Jan. 11. NOT the best time to have to miss class...but apparently we are not at all in control of which day a baby comes! :)

i had lots and lots of contractions with this pregnancy. so it's hard to say when labor really began. i didn't take the contractions seriously until that morning. matt got up at 6 to get ready for work. i told him i'd had some contractions overnight but that i was able to still get good sleep. i told him to keep his phone on and nearby because i wasn't sure if this was it or not. he went ahead and went to work, calling his mom to come get the other kids so i didn't have to be in labor alone watching the three boys. good call. :) my contractions were totally manageable at around 10 minutes apart at 8am. i got breakfast for the kids, showered, dressed, did laundry, etc. matt's mom got to my house at 9:30 and left with the kids by 10 or so. now my contractions were 5-8 minutes apart. my mom came at that time too to help me get the bed sheets ready and check on me. i was fine. talking through contractions. i proceeded to do some last minute chores around the house. got food out and ready for midwives. at this time i thought i'd be having the baby sometime later that day or in the evening. at 10:30 i called my midwife. i started to feel a little confused. my contractions were getting stronger but i didn't want everyone coming up here if it was going to be way too early. i was still getting a good 5 minutes between contractions. my midwife said that if i was getting confused, it was probably time for everyone to come on up! :) i called matt, apologizing for cutting into his first day of school but suggested he might want to go ahead and come on home. from 10:30 until 11 or so, I was still able to get housework done. changed sheets, made beds.

around 11, i got more serious. i put on this song and listened to it over and over as well as a beautiful CD some friends and family of mine made for me with my labor in mind:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3WA9iHz5ww i also grabbed a favorite book with spiritual thoughts and truths to read. i hunkered down in my room with these peaceful things surrounding me.

now would be a good time to share my history of births with you. i always labor fairly well until that last hour. i spoke at length with my midwives, friends, family about this. i spoke with teresa and she told me to tell myself 100 times a day that my labor was going to be beautiful, free from fear, and that my body would do EXACTLY what it was created to do. I did that. cosette told me her story and how she repeated to herself "do not fear this" over and over. she also told me that all through labor and even during contractions i should move and change postitions as often as possible. i spent a lot of time throughout this last pregnancy thinking and praying and meditating on positive thoughts about this labor. i wanted to keep perspective this time. i wanted to not freak out and lose control or allow fear to reign as i have with all my other deliveries. i wanted a powerful, emotionally moving, deeply empowering experience.

i'm humbled to say that my labor was all of those things. i was not afraid. i welcomed the strength of the contractions as a completely natural, powerful force that would be bringing my sweet baby into my arms. i can honestly say that i didn't really believe until this day that it was true that so much of our experience in labor and delivery has to do with our own minds. what we tell ourselves, how we are prepared emotionall and mentally.

cosette had also, just a few days earlier, given me 3 articles to read about "primal birth"...which in a VERY abbreviated version just talked about how when women are allowed to labor and deliver in a completely comfortable place, undisturbed by other people, the birth experience is by far quicker, and less painful. this is due to something called "fetal ejection reflex" which most women never get to experience because too many people are talking to them, touching them, monitoring them, etc. but when this goes undisturbed, and women are allowed to stay in their "zone"...most women do almost the identical things during the pushing phase. and i did all of those things! this is why i decided not to call any of my friends/family who had offered to be at the birth.

anyway, matt got home around 11:15 and i still just wanted to remain alone at that time, so he went downstairs and waited for the midwives. cosette got here around 11:45 and her assistant kari arrived about 12, i think. when she came in the room, i said, "i'm not sure if this is it. the contractions are strong, but they're still pretty far apart. should you check me to see if this is too early?" she said, "no honey. this is it! i can tell by your contractions. you are doing great." for a split second i began to be afraid. cosette put her arms around me and whispered softly in my ear..."don't fear this. your body is doing exactly what it was meant to do." that worked immediately.

so i got into the birthing pool. right about then my body naturally started to push with the contractions, which actually gave relief to the intensity of the contractions. with one of the contractions i felt my water break. cosette told me that if i wanted to i could probably feel the baby coming down. for the first time, i was able to feel it and not give in to fear. i breathed deeply. the next contraction, i felt baby move down, i pushed...completely relying on and totally trusting my body to tell me when and for how long. the next contraction i pushed again. i felt "the ring of fire". i did not fear it. i pushed. strongly but quietly. and sweet scarlett rose alberhasky was born. the time was 12:24pm. 7lbs, 9oz. 19.5 inches.

was amazed. inspired. it was a surreal, supernatural experience. i share it with you because i have experienced 4 delieveries now, all very very different from each other. but this by far, was the most beautiful and breathtaking one, which i truly believe has so much to do with how i chose to fill my mind in the weeks and months prior to the birth. thank you to all who contributed to this experience! i felt the love and the support from so many of my sisterhood! love to you all!

Mixed Emotions

2009-12-26T13:47:00.002-06:00

I have so many mixed feelings about this phase of life we are in.

Eliot's getting older and while he's becoming so much more responsible in some ways like school, chores, helping others, he's also getting a bit of an attitude and an heir of entitlement about some other things like allowance, privacy, bossing his brothers around and doing what he wants whenever he wants. You can almost see in him the struggle into "big kid-hood" as he wants to please us and yet wants to find his own way as well.

Emerson is growing and learning and becoming more of himself everyday. He's more comfortable in his own skin and able to voice his feelings so much better than even just a few months ago. He really is a quiet kid with a soft heart. But I do sometimes still see him struggling to find his place and voice. It saddens me to think that he might not be getting everything he needs because he just won't ever ask or demand it from us. It's a challenge to me to really KNOW him and learn his love languages.

Abraham. This little bundle absolutely melts my heart on a daily basis. He's funny and happy and loves to sing and dance. I can see him trying to decide if he's a baby or a big boy. He's growing up so quickly and talking a mile a minute. While one of the sweetest and snuggliest boys, he also has a quick temper and easily loses it!

And Baby Girl. Whew. I am about 3 weeks from delivery and I feel so much joy and excitement in the anticipation of having a little girl. I look at her clothes and blankets, etc. and just tear up thinking about how sweet this will be. And, I'm also scared to death. Scared of the different needs girls have that boys don't. Scared that my own emotional baggage and struggles as a woman will hurt or affect her at all. I'm thrilled to have four kids. And worried that someone will fall through the cracks or that I won't adequately meet all their needs...which I know I won't. Blessed to have 3 boys and 1 girl. But, nervous about how the dynamics of our home is about to change.

I pray this new season, with all it's ups and downs, pros and cons, will be one of great healing, joy and renewal for our family. I accept that with this new season of life we will experience great pleasure along with the growing pains.

Mama stories

2009-08-23T14:22:00.002-05:00

There is something so unique about each of my kids. I just rarely take the time to write it all out or to even stop to notice many days. Sadly, my life is so often filled with the mundane details of just keeping everyone alive and well that I don't always stop to just enjoy the boys. I'm trying to do better at this. Spending a little bit of alone time with each one. Noticing and commenting on thier differences and strengths and little idiocyncrocies.

Eliot is growing so fast. He's such a tender-hearted kid. Matt thinks his personality is so similar to mine and I have to agree...poor kid. He's actually a combination of shy and social. Shy with people he doesn't know very well, but loves to be around his friends and family all the time....doesn't really like to be alone ever! :)
Some Eliot examples: He had his first real experience with other kids picking on him. Oh my was he crushed. He ran over to me and just buried his head in my chest and cried and cried. So heartbreaking. And, yet...a part of life that no one can escape. It was so hard for me to watch him feel so hurt. But, we talked about how that made him feel. How powerful words are. How we can make others feel when we talk to them. And, about how we love people even when they hurt our feelings.
Another example: My grandparents are visiting from the East Coast this week. Grandpa has failed considerably since the last time we saw them. His memory is poor. His hearing is even worse. He doesn't seem to quite understand exactly what's going on or who we all are all the time. It's very sad. We haven't mentioned it to the kids, but Eliot is very perceptive. We went to the Farmers Market on Saturday and since Grandpa Nat can't walk well even with his cane, he sat and listened to great music while the rest of us shopped, ate, etc. There was always someone with him, though. Well, my dad and I were there with my boys and I realized that they hadn't really eaten breakfast yet. So, we told Grandpa we were going to be right back. Dad was going to help me with the kids while we walked around to find food. But, Eliot was sitting with my grandpa and held his hand. Grandpa said "you want to go or stay here with me?" Eliot said, "stay here with you." So, the two of them sat there for probably 20 minutes or more holding hands. I knew Eliot was shy and probably wouldn't talk much to him but he was there. He wouldn't leave him alone. Makes me choked up just thinking about it.

Emerson has really grown into his personality so much. He's very reserved. Differently than Eliot is. Eliot's shy but social. Emerson's really much more independant. Not shy at all...just doesn't feel the need to talk much. He's soft-spoken like his Daddy. Man of few words. It's so hard for him to talk about his feelings when he's upset. But, he's really trying, and we're trying to help him by being patient but not just letting him close into himself. Especially when he's hurt or upset. Emerson is by far the most easy going child I have. He's content to sit on the couch with a book and his blankies and stuffed animals for hours. He also loves to build. Everywhere you walk in our house is another creation that Emerson's made. Legos, blocks, kidkinex...you name it. And they all get a name and a story. He is so creative. I love how he comes in our bed in the morning and tells us all about these dreams he's had. They are very elaborate and detailed, and I'm pretty sure all made up! :) But, he loves to tell stories. Maybe he'll be a writer like his Daddy someday. Some recent examples of his personality: The other day we were all sitting down to dinner. Usually there is some discussion (and sometimes arguing) about who gets to sit where. Usually they all want to sit by Daddy (which is very sweet) but this particular day, Emerson kept moving around. When I told him to pick a seat and eat his dinner he said, "but I'm trying to find a seat so I can sit alone!" So, I of course, helped him find a seat where no one would be sitting on either side of him. He apparently needed his space! :)
Let's see...oh, I got all of Dr. Seuss's books on CD from the library and we've been listening to them in the car for weeks now. They all have their favorites that we play more than others. Well, I knew they loved it but I didn't realize Emerson's pretty much got them all memorized. And, he loves to act them out. Especially Green Eggs and Ham. With Abraham. It is so cute. I'll randomly here Emerson saying, "No Hammie, you're Sam. Now say this..." It is adorable and the two of them will seriously sit there and role play the entire book...with Emerson cuing Hammie when necessary!

Now little Abraham. Little Abraham with BIG personality. Wow. This kid has me baffled. He isn't really like either one of us at all. He's extremely cuddly and there's really no question his love language is physical touch. He could sit on my lap sucking his thumb all day. But he's as much spicy as he is sweet. Oh my, that boy can throw a temper tantrum. Now, until this little guy came along, I have to admit that I thought my older two well-mannered and well-behaved children were mostly a product of our parenting. Wow...I don't think so. I think they just are who they are. Abraham couldn't care less who is around, he will tell them what he thinks, what he wants, and how he feels. Emphatically. He is passionate. PASSIONATE . He's passionate about cooking! Ok, so maybe he's a LITTLE bit like me! :) But, really, I'm not kidding. He could do a show. The other day at my mom's house he cut up food (like the pieces of tomatoes and veggies that we were going to throw away) forever. Then he watched INTENTLY for about a half hour while my cousin made bread. Then he had to make it. He knew exactly what he needed. Water and flour! :) And, since he was at grandma's, he got to use up the rest of her flour and who knows how much water. Mixing, stirring, pouring, adding for seriously over an hour. Maybe two. I think that day he spent a total of 3-4 hours standing on a chair at the island cooking. He doesn't want to play or be with the kids. He wants to cook. And, if you're quiet you'll hear him say things like, "it needs a little bit more salt" or "ok, now you stir it like this" or "where's my spoon? i need to stir this!" I'm not making this up. He's 2. Watch out Emeirl and Bobby Flay!
We took the kids to a Japanese Steakhouse for Matt's parent's 40th anniversary. There's a chef that cooks the food and throws a big show right at your table...which of course the kids loved. But even though everyone eats the whole time, Abraham didn't even take one bite. Not until the chef left the table. He actually just imitated the chef the whole time. He poured and scooped and squashed the whole night. I think he's found his calling in life. :)

I feel just overjoyed to be the mommy of these little boys. They challenge me. They soften me. They humble me. I love them more than I could ever even describe. I pray they know it. And, they are going to be big brothers in a few months to a little baby sister!!! We're so thrilled to know what it's like to have a little girl! And I know she's going to be the luckiest little sister having all those big brothers to love and take care of her! I am one blessed mama!

Anyone out there????

2009-07-11T14:18:00.003-05:00

Well, it's been a few months since my last post. Life's been crazy, but more importantly I just haven't felt like posting! :) I guess I just do today. The biggest news I have from the last 2 months is that we are expecting baby #4! I am now 13 weeks and have heard some nice strong heartbeats. So, even though we've had a miscarriage in the past we feel that the fear of that is lessened now.

Let me give you a glimpse into what my life has been like the last 2 months:
Dizziness to the point I can't get up from a lying down position without passing out
Nausea so intense I've been vommiting 3-5 times a day
Dehydration so bad (because of the vomitting and lack of eating....due to the nausea) that I've almost ended up at the hospital twice.
Kids bored and very very neglected
Husband responsible for all cleaning, cooking, besides his full-time job. That is, until he broke his finger playing basketball. We invested in large quantitites of paper plates and cups.

Needless to say it's been a very very difficult few weeks. I pray it will start to get better now that I'm heading into the second trimester. However, I have to say that my friends and family have just stepped up to the plate and taken such good care of us! We've had meals, babysitters, and lots and lots of moral support...this has meant more to us than you can possibly know!

Thanks for the love everyone! Maybe I'll post again sometime this year! :)

FYI

2009-04-27T14:47:00.003-05:00

I've noticed I'm getting some new readers and I just want to explain the layout of my blog a bit. I have this main one called Nourish::mind where I share whatever is on my mind...clever, I know! :) Then if you look to the right you'll see a button for where I post on all things health: Nourish::Body. And, lastly Nourish::Soul where I post about what's going on with our heart for the orphans and extreme poverty.
Blogging is by no means my main priority, not even in my top 10, really! :) So I don't get to it every day and sometimes it's even weeks. But, I do love to have an outlet for my thoughts when I have time to write them down. I love discussing my passions, questions, doubts, etc. with others so this is a great venue for that. But, all in all, I have 3 very young children. I am a wife. I homeschool. I have friends. I garden. I read. And so, time is largely unavailable to me. But, thanks for reading my thoughts. I am sure even if we don't know each other, I would like you...as I rarely have met anyone I don't like (believe me that's a really hard thing to accomplish)! :)

Life

2009-03-27T13:57:00.004-06:00

Things have been pretty good around here. I've been working on a presentation I gave this weekend at the Natural Living Expo. I'm not the best public speaker so I was a bit nervous, but I think it went ok. How hard can it be to talk about what we eat, how we live, etc.? Seriously, any of my friends will tell you, if you put in a nickel...plan to stay awhile! :) It wasn't too bad!

I've wanted to share some experiences I've had over the last few weeks to bring you up to date on my spiritual journey. I haven't written much about it lately because of re-figuring my priorities, my boundaries, and because I've been so busy. But, I'm proceeding with caution because I've received some positive comments and e-mails, some from people I know and love and some from strangers that have all been encouraged reading what I've written. I'm ok with people disagreeing with me. I'm not ok with mudslinging and judging. Here goes.

A few weeks ago I got REALLY sick. It doesn't happen often that I have to literally crawl on the floor to get something across the room...but that's really how bad it was at one point. (Fortunately, it only lasted about 5 days total with only 2 being that bad.) I am a true believer in the holistic mentality of health. If we are consumed with negative emotions, anger, bitterness, even grief and sorrow, etc...I absolutely think it can cause illness. Don't get me wrong. I do not think that God makes us sick to punish us for our sin (nor do I think negative emotions are in and of themselves sinful). I do think, however, that our bodies and our minds and our souls are so connected it's impossible for one aspect of ourselves to be consumed without affecting another.

I'd been carrying around some pretty heavy emotions for a couple years really. I've gone through serious doubts about who God is, struggled to hear His voice or believe that He has been listening to me. Stewing on what happened over the blog situation. Stewing about our very stressful real estate situation, plus all the regular every day life stuff. Over time my outlook on life and spirituality has become pretty negative or at least gloomy, foggy, and unclear. And I've grown weary. It's been a burden. But something happened while I was sick. For one, I was too sick to read or watch movies AND, two, I was too sick to sleep comfortably. So, I dozed on and off for a couple days, never truly getting more than a couple hours at a time. I thought a lot. And, perhaps this is crazy, but I kinda think my sickness was a detox in a lot of ways for me. Not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well.

Before I got sick I had been reading a couple of great books. The Shack by Wm. Paul Young and Seeing is Believing by Greg Boyd. While totally different books, their message was similar to me. We are free.

Somehow during my days in a feverish daze, it just sank in. Because I've put my faith in God, I am now free. The Holy Spirit who resides in me because I asked him to, has already changed me. My chains to darkness have already been broken. The fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, you know the rest) are who I REALLY am. The reason I feel miserable being angry, critical, and judgmental is because that's not really who I am.

This was HUGE for me and it was in Boyd's book: The fruits of the Spirit are not disciplines to work on. They are a part of the nature of the Spirit, and therefore, us! I don't need to TRY to be more loving. Acting loving doesn't make me a loving person. All I need to do is rest in being exactly who I really am (who God created me to be and who I am as a new creation in Him) and I will be a loving person because the Holy Spirit is love.

I know plenty of Christians (myself included) who have spent their lives STRIVING to become more Godly. It's fake. Most people will see through that anyway. And, that's probably why the Church at large doesn't have a reputation for being genuine, compassionate, loving, etc. It's because we are trying too hard. We're believing a lie that we aren't good enough as we are, we must try harder. We must act loving when we don't feel love. We must be giving when we don't really want to be generous. We must do do do do do. We must teach people how to behave better. It isn't about behavior. It's about our hearts. Jesus tried to explain that! God cares about our hearts. And when our hearts recognize that, we are a new creation. We are now FREE to be who we really are, THEN we become genuine. Our actions are based out of a place of true connection with God, not a desire to "do the right thing".

Well, that's been revolutionary for me. I now have the freedom to forgive those who've wronged me. I have the freedom to truly love my kids like crazy and tell them 100 different ways. I have freedom to be joyful. I have freedom to be kind. I have freedom to let others be where they are with no need to judge. When I give myself the freedom to be who God has made me to be, I unconsciously give that freedom to those around me. Now, I still have bad habits going back to the "old me" behaviors, but I don't have to try to be better. I just have to remind myself who I really am.

What do you think of this? Am I crazy? Did my fever go to my head? :) Share your thoughts!!! All you lurkers out there, speak up! :)

Enjoy your freedom! Love yourself as you are so loved...but be careful...it starts to ooze! :)

Trepidation

2009-03-09T12:37:00.002-06:00

I'm a little bit gun shy on this blogging thing. I was starting to put my heart out there with all the spiritual stuff, but it seems that may not be a good idea. A friend who commented on my last few posts received a hurtful and confrontational comment on her own blog from someone who read her comments here. That makes me sad. So, I'm taking a break. Rethinking what should really be private information and what should be open for anyone to read and criticize. I've never been very good at that. Learning to have discernment apparently!

I'm resting. I'm really experiencing a newfound freedom in my spiritual life. I'm loving people. I'm loving myself. Things are really good. I'm just not really posting about it. I'll post more again. Probably more stuff at my Nourish::Body site. I'm eating yummy food and learning new things so I'll try to take the time to do my menus and recipes on there soon!

I've lost something

2009-02-24T15:34:00.002-06:00

Along the vein of spirituality, I'd like to report that I've misplaced my joy. I know I had it at some point. In fact, most of my life I've been bubbly and silly and, dare I say, funny???? I know it's in me somewhere. I can't remember where I lost it. Was it when I had kids and I've just been slightly postpartum ever since? Was it when we got married and life seemed to official and serious to be so silly? Was it when we experienced great loss a couple years ago? Does it have anything to do with my spiritual struggles? Is it just because I'm so tired I can't think straight most days?
I was thinking about the fruits of the Spirit and how I can only get to the second one before I have to stop and say, "hmmm...nope, not so much."
Love, yes...I have lots of that. Maybe not for the right people though, so even that one is an ALMOST...at best.
But JOY....that's the one I miss the most. Cheerfulness. Light-heartedness.
Well, ok, I know I still do have SOME joy! :) But, I'm wanting more. This phase has been hard in many ways, not the least of which is that I'm taking everything so dang seriously. It's time to kick back a little and try to find that place where quiet contemplation meets crazy, silly me.

Working it out

2009-02-04T15:22:00.002-06:00

If you haven't read the discussion that's ensued since my last post on my spiritual journey, take a look...it's been so good. I want to expand a little, but I don't have much time. To take it a step farther, what I do believe about our world, and Letters From a Skeptic, by Greg Boyd explains this so well, is that Satan has temporary control over the world. We see abuse and darkness and despair and hunger and sickness because of evil. Yes. That makes sense to me. What doesn't make sense is why God would allow Satan to have that control. What could possibly be worth millions of children's lives full of pain and suffering? Couldn't a God who has supreme control STILL be glorified without all the darkness? Why is it necessary? It seems cruel, unloving and unkind. PLEASE know that I am asking with a heart that is literally physically aching to understand. I have respect for God. I just don't "feel" his love when I see video's like this.

I have friends who are experiencing God in such different ways. Some are hearing Him speak to them and feel they can know for sure He's talking to them through lots of unconventional ways.

I have some friends who don't even think about God on a daily basis and would absolutely say they are Christians.

I have some friends who have found God to be close to them while in nature or in music...more like a supernatural "feeling".

I have some friends who are Christians who believe that in order to be close with God or to know His voice, you must be serving the "least of these".

I have still other friends who believe that any work done with the least of these would be pointless and empty if the person serving isn't totally right with God.

And perhaps the most authentic way I am experiencing God is through the struggle. Through life...through the pain and the "working it out". When I truly don't care what other people think of me or my relationship with God, I can find peace in knowing that it's ok to question. It's ok to struggle. It's ok to want more of God than what I have. It's ok to not agree with my friends about how we experience Him. I'm on a journey. I desire to KNOW, really KNOW God. I want to hear His voice, and be filled up with his love. I want my faith to be authentic, though. So, I have to be honest.

I was talking to a friend about how I have a hard time when people say, "God told me .....fill in the blank." I won't go into why right now, besides the fact that I've been hurt by those words more than once (by people who really did think they were hearing from God), and I also think it can just sound really arrogant. Because, how, if we are really honest, is that supposed to make the listener feel? That the person speaking is closer to God, better than me who doesn't hear that clearly from him? But, anyway, she said something that totally struck me. She instead says, "I felt closer to the heart of God when I had this thought...fill in the blank."

I feel that I am closer to the heart of God when I REALLY love my kids...you know? REALLY love them. I feel that I am closer to the heart of God when I watch a video like the one above and I am sobbing gut wrenching sobs, prostrate on my floor, crying out in anguish at the pain and suffering in this world. I feel that I am close to the heart of God when I pray with a pure heart for someone that has wounded me. I feel that I am close to the heart of God when I serve the "unlovely"---which for me is most often my kids.

When do you feel closer to the heart of God? How do you experience His presence? I really am interested and curious. I honestly have no judgment of people who experience it differently than I do.

This is just where I'm at

2009-01-30T15:20:00.002-06:00

I decided that I'm going to post more often about how I'm struggling spiritually. I think it will help me make sense of my own thoughts as well as explain more clearly to my sweet friends who may not get it...I frustrate myself sometimes! Feel free to comment, adding your thoughts. Just know that this is my journey. I am actually ok with "living in the tension" as one friend puts it. I really believe that this is all just part of me working out my salvation. So, whatever you do, don't take offense. I'm just being honest. One thing I do believe for sure is that God is big enough to handle it.

Some of my current questions for God have to do with His intimate involvement in our lives. From what I understand, this is a very western mentality of who God is. Jews and early Christians may not have believed this way about God. That they viewed their faith as, not a "personal relationship with Jesus" but more of a bigger picture, doing the work Jesus came to model, community-oriented faith. I am not saying that this is true...just what I've heard/read. I wonder sometimes. I wonder because there have absolutely been times I've seen God at work in our lives. I believe he cares about US and our hearts. And I even believe that he does sometimes intervene in our lives for different reasons. However, I often feel like he's distant. I do pray. I've even been reading my Bible. I ask for his direction, his leading, his presence in my life. I do ask him to show himself to me. While praying does make me feel more peaceful, I can't say that I see absolute evidence that God's answered my prayers or that I feel his presence more strongly, at least not often.
And, if he does care and is intimately involved in the details of my life, I wonder about a God who would help me find the perfect parking spot or a really good deal on a new sweater but not feed the millions of orphaned and starving children. It just doesn't seem like the Jesus I read about.
I think this doubt of his intimate involvement in my life absolutely spills over into other areas. This is where I'm a little worried. I want to have faith. I want to believe that I can trust and put my entire life into the hands of the One who holds the world together. But, how can I trust, whole-heartedly, a God who seems deaf to the cries of a mother who's milk is drying up and cannot feed her starving children? Or to the millions of orphans who are at 6 and 7 years old, responsible for feeding and caring for their younger siblings because their parents have died of AIDS. How do I say, "ok, Lord, all I have is yours. I need no other besides You." When I'm not sure that He's going to come through for me? And, more importantly, when He doesn't seem to be coming through for them?

There are so many more thoughts going through my mind, and I'll try to be as honest and real as i can be about them. I desire to be completely and totally humble while I work through all of this, so please do not misinterpret my questions and my heart as being defiant or ungrateful for all I do believe God's bestowed upon me and my family.

This is just where I'm at.

Updates

2009-01-25T20:42:00.003-06:00

I haven't blogged much lately for many reasons, not the least of which is that I have a new rule that the computer doesn't even get turned on until after lunch! I enforced this rule upon myself because I find that it's very easy for me (especially in the winter) to retreat to my cave and dink around on the computer rather than engage my kids. We've only done it for this last week, but it is so refreshing! So, the time I have to sit and type is limited.

Some things I have discovered about my kids lately:
Emerson doesn't really like it if I try to teach him something directly. He prefers to learn from doing. We got the leapster alphebet fridge toy for Christmas and he's pretty much learned all his letters already. He was never interested in it before when I tried to teach him (not that I did try very often). I love watching how he is learning. This week when I was doing school with Eliot, I got out a few activities for Emerson and he did an entire workbook without stopping. It was on "Same and Different." It was for 4-6 year olds and he did the whole thing with just a little prompting on my part. I don't really like workbooks for kids that age, but he loved it! So, I love the little glimpses I get into how my kids learn.

I noticed with Eliot that he is still rushing through things. He makes a lot of mistakes in his work simply because he doesn't take his time to do things right. Man, he's such a mini-me! I distinctly remember my dad telling me to slow down so I didn't make so many mistakes. So, I have to be a little more hands-on with him than I have been with school. We really have a great system down now. We have a dry erase board hanging near the front room. On it I made a long list of all the different school options he has. A few examples are:
Blue Box Books (our box filled with non-fiction books...i.e. science, biographies, etc.)
Math choices (games, Miquon Math, or Saxon Math)
Journal choices (storytelling, art, or nature)
History
Art
Workbooks
Handwriting (Handwriting without Tears)
Music
Game box choice
Time for Learning (a website full of great curriculum for all school-ages!)

There are others but I can't remember what they are right now.
He can't do the internet learning until he's picked 5 things and of that 5, he must do blue box books and other reading everyday! So he just picks out what things he would like to do each day and he really is self-directed. But, because of his fast and careless pace, I'm going to have to work more closely to watch what he does.

Abraham has been really sick this week. He has an upper-respiratory thing, but I've got him all doped up on herbs and vitamins so he's been getting over it really well. This really has been a tough winter on us for health, though. I hope spring comes early...not sure I can handle much more of this cold weather!

Well, I have so many things on my mind that I'd like to blog about, but we'll just have to see what time allows. I hope you all have a beautiful week...it's almost February!

Looking back at 2008

2009-01-02T23:12:00.003-06:00

Wow. I know everyone says this every year, but seriously, where did 2008 go? This was a big year in so many ways for us. Some memorable events:

Eliot learned how to ride his bike.
We started homeschooling for Kindergarten.
Eliot diagnosed with severe food sensitivities.
My sister, Robin, had her first baby, Solomon...the love of my life.
I attended the birth of my dear friends Josh and Carrie...their son Lincoln's birth, not their's! :) (This has to be in my top 5 experiences of my life!)
My Aunt Leslie and my sweet grandparents came from New York and New Jersey for a visit. It was such a great bonding time!
Matt landed a full-time teaching position at a local community college just weeks before a campus-wide hiring freeze.
Eliot lost his first tooth.
My sister, Rachel, came from Oregon to visit for a week...it was like the Christmas that never ended!
Matt visited his dying Grandpa for a day.
We made new friends that have blessed our hearts beyond anything I could ever begin to express.
I started a new business in nutritional planning...more info on that to come! :)

It's been a long and challenging year in many ways. I don't ever want to complain about our food situation. But, it's been very hard on us and those around us. We are so blessed to have family and friends that are willing to tend to our dietary restrictions. You all have been so supportive. I am humbled. Everywhere we go, hosts ask what they could have for Eliot to eat. I would say that Eliot rarely feels left out or like he is missing out on something. And, that's something I'm thankful for. Eliot is such an agreeable boy! Hardly a complaint. Never a bad attitude. What a trooper.
Homeschooling was another huge life change and I started it about the same time we started Eliot's new diet! Overwhelmed is a gross understatement for how I felt from August through about November.
And, yet...I have never been more content or comfortable in my role as Mommy and wife. It's as if I was forced this year to decide where my heart was. I've spent so much of my life as a mom yearning for the next phase (i.e. when the kids are old enough to go potty, tie their shoes, make their own breakfast, etc) and not enough time enjoying the moment. I have been anxious to make it seem as if I was the perfect housewife by always having a clean house (or more accurately, feeling the pressure to do so) or having cute clothes on my kids.
Yesterday I found a list of goals I set for myself for the year. I had honestly completely forgotten I'd even done it! My one year goal reads, "I'd like to be content and fulfilled in my role as a wife and a mother. I want to have joy, not stress, in the everyday living, plugging into my children and their needs."
I can't say I'm perfect. But, a shift has certainly taken place. I no longer yearn to get out of this phase. I'm wishing the kids could stay this small forever. I feel happy to be at home with them, spending time with them, teaching them, and developing our relationships. I know life is full of seasons and I am sure there will be many more ahead that bring challenges to this ideal of living in contentment. But, I am so thankful to be here now.

2009 brings more joy and more challenges, I am sure. I have many goals and dreams. But, I cannot think of any more significant than spending time with the people in my life that bring me joy. I pray that my children will see Jesus in me. I pray that this year, I will become a servant like He was. I pray that my kids desire to be blessings to those around them. I pray God would reveal Himself to Matt and I as we work out our faith daily.
I pray for you that you would experience contentment in whatever season you are in right now. Unpack your bags. There is joy even in the middle of the storm when we surrender to it.

All I want for Christmas

2008-12-20T21:42:00.002-06:00

Eliot's tooth has been loose for about a year now. It'd start to wiggle and then it would firm up again. For months this went on. But, finally about 2 weeks ago it really started to get more and more wiggly. It's about time...the kid is 6 1/2! Anyway, tonight he came to me and said, "Mom you gotta see this...my tooth can bend all the way!" I told him that it was probably loose enough to yank out now. I asked him if he wanted me to do it. His eyes got really big and he asked if it would hurt or bleed. I told him I didn't think so...it was literally hanging on by a thread. So he grabbed it and just gently bent it all the way and it just fell out! No yanking necessary! I can't believe how excited I got. He just stared at his hand for a few seconds like, "what the heck just happened?" I was laughing and giddy and calling for Matt to come see! Matt and Emerson came running and we all started jumping up and down, giving hugs and high fives...aren't we the dorkiest family you've ever heard of?
Anyway, I grabbed the camera and took tons of pictures. Then we found a little velvet bag to put the tooth in. We slipped it under his pillow for the tooth fairy to find. Which he isn't buying. He was like, "Mom, I know it's you...how much are you gonna give me?" Nice. Oh well. I just can't bring myself to lie to them about all these fictitious characters. He doesn't believe in Santa or the Easter Bunny, either. Sorry if my kid spoils it for yours!
Here's my big boy!

What I'm up to

2008-12-19T20:21:00.003-06:00

Matt gets 3 weeks off of work for Christmas break! One of the benefits of teaching at the college level is he gets tons of time off throughout the year. Now, ideally he'd have real estate to do, but this market is proving to be slower than normal (oh, who am I kidding...it's dead). Anyway, so I have more projects than we could possibly do over Christmas break. But, first and foremost: the kids new room!!! We are putting Eliot and Emerson in the same room so Matt and I can have an office space and so they can bond more. I actually went to Home Depot and Walmart to get all the paint and supplies and then painted it all myself! You must understand that this has never happened before. We've always either hired it out or had Matt's parents help (which really meant that they did everything and I just picked up a brush and painted wherever they told me to). Bless their hearts, we're 30 now and should be able to paint our own kids rooms! So, like a big girl I did it all by myself while Matt played single mom. Now, I can't lie...if you look really closely it looks like a 6 year old painted it...especially in the corners or where the 2 colors meet. But, I'm still pretty proud of myself! Of course, Matt's mom is going to have to help me fix that!
We're not done yet, though. Carrie is coming over to help me paint a big orange stripe across the middle of the room. She's really the design mind behind the whole room. I picked out the beds and the comforters and she came up with the colors, etc. She's so great!
Here's phase 1 of the project.

In other news, my bff Meredith made me this awesome bowl for Christmas. That's right...it's a BOWL! She made it! I just love it!

Oh, let's see. The boys have been playing outside a lot. My aunt sent me a bunch of snowsuits and winter coats suitable for outdoor play, so we bundle up a lot! In and out...all day. However, though it is inconvenient to have the wet messy clothes and boots everywhere, it does help the boys blow off steam and get really good exercise! They are always worn out after a day playing outside in the snow...which helps with the indoor wall-climbing they're prone to otherwise.

Matt helped them with the snowman and got really creative with his features! :) Man, I love all those boys! I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! May you be truly blessed with what really matters.

I love my Martial Artist

2008-12-15T11:45:00.002-06:00

Eliot's been taking Tae Kwon Do now for a year and 4 months or so. I have to say that I absolutely LOVE it! He does too, most of the time. In the beginning I just thought it would be a great way for him to get physical activity and social interaction a couple times a week. What I didn't know was how much the values and disciplines would add to our lives.

Let me backtrack. During a kickboxing class of mine, I met our instructor's son who was about 14 at the time. He was so kind, helpful with the little kids, and very respectful towards adults. I asked our instructor what she did to get a teenage boy who had no attitude or awkward behavior towards adults. She said, "Tae Kwon Do and Church! He has lots of adults in his life that back up what we teach at home!" I took mental note. About a year later we enrolled Eliot in a Tiny Tigers class. I had no idea what a blessing it would really be. Now, upon first glance you may not notice it all. The respect, the values, the teachings.

Upon entering the building, Eliot must look for all black belts and bow to them, he must then bow to the flags that are hung on the walls. After taking shoes off, he enters the line behind the classmate directly above him in rank. When class begins, he bows to the master of the center, the assistant black belts, and their direct instructor. All of these things promote respect for authority. He must also refer to all black belts as sir or ma'am.

If at any point during class (or any other time, for that matter) Eliot needs to adjust his uniform, he must turn so as not to be facing a black belt to do it.

They also teach the tenants of Tae Kwon Do: Courtesy, Integrity, Perseverance, Self-Control, Indomitable Spirit. The kids learn what each of these mean and are expected to use these tenants during class and in every day life. They quiz the kids often on these and ask them how they are using the tenants at home. They are tested on these during promotion tests.

They have to learn birthdays of parents, instructors, and masters. This is to get them to think about others.

They learn about safety and self-defense. For example, did you know that the safest person for a child to go to when lost? I was always told a person in uniform. Wrong. It's a mom with kids! There are two other people to go to BEFORE a person in uniform. A grandma with kids, and then a store clerk. Helpful information.

They memorize their address and phone number.

They learn what to do if a stranger grabs them: NO-GO-YELL-TELL. They practice it so that if they are in the situation, they aren't too nervous to do it.

There are so many valuable aspects to martial arts, though I'm obviously partial to Tae Kwon Do! :) I have heard that some people think kids should be older to take martial arts, but I so highly recommend it for young kids because of the lessons in safety, respect, and discipline.

I am sure we'll try other sports in the future like basketball, soccer, or baseball, but I have a feeling we'll be sticking with Tae Kwon Do for all our kids for life!

Life or death

2008-12-07T20:42:00.002-06:00

I am so deeply moved today by our connections with each other. One look. One word. One tone...can hurt someone. One comment. One conversation. We have the power to bring life or death into others' lives every minute of the day. I can look at my child with disdain and I don't need to say a thing. I've just crushed his spirit. I can make another person feel badly about him/herself so easily, so casually, so "accidentally". I can make a comment to a friend about something I know will be a sore spot and I can wound her heart. I can shrug off a hug from my husband and it can be a slap in the face. Rejection or Acceptance. The greatest need in every human's life is to FEEL acceptance. I emphasize the word "feel" because the fact of being accepted doesn't matter much if a person doesn't feel that it is true.

If I am honest I bring more death than life. I bring more wounds than healing. I bring more hurt than happiness. I find ways to lift myself up in conversations with friends. I am often impatient and dismissive with my boys. I do not always take the time to hug my husband and tell him how thankful I am for all he does for our family. I am self-serving and self-protective. If I'm being honest.

It's so hard to take a true look at my own life. I seem to have quite an easy time of finding flaws in others. But, have you ever tried this? For one day, just take a mental note of every conversation you have. Did you put the other person first? Did you make an obvious or subtle remark that was intended to build yourself up? Did you judge them inwardly or outwardly? Did you give the other person's ideas an honest look or did you write it off before even thinking about it? Were you gentle? Did you try to bring healing and acceptance? Were you grateful? Were you truly humble? Not the kind of humble that talks about how humble you are, but TRULY humble.

I'm just trying to imagine a me that brings more life than death. Oh, I pray that I would be humbled and that I would lay down my pride and be ever aware of the significance of my words and my deeds.

No need to blog

2008-12-05T14:19:00.002-06:00

Since Matt (my husband) started his blog, I no longer feel the need to write here anymore! :) This is reminding me of how we both started to learn guitar at the same time in high school but he got so much better so much faster so I quit! I'm just going to have to be ok with the fact that he's smarter and more talented in all the ways I want to be. Maybe he's super jealous that I have a lot of hair! :) I will hold on to that for now.
Anyway, I've tried and tried on here to express myself on "green" living and organic foods and buying locally. But, of course, on his 4th blog post EVER, Matt nails it on the head. I'm like, "yeah, that's what I've been thinking but couldn't figure out how to say it! whatever, smarty pants!"
So, go read it. Sometime soon I'll think of something to write about that Matt doesn't know anything about...keep waiting, it may take awhile! :)

Matt's New Blog

2008-11-26T22:28:00.003-06:00

My husband writes. A lot. And, he's really smart. So he started a blog because he was sick of me telling him he should. And now he likes it. MMMMWWWAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!
Anyway you should read it. DISCLAIMER: The opinions of Matt do not necessarily represent those of his wife...me. :)
But, it's a good read. A thought-provoking one. Not for the faint of heart.
Just go read it.

A Dog's Breakfast

New Post

2008-11-22T21:24:00.001-06:00

Head over to NOURISH :: SOUL to read my first post at this blog!

Random Thoughts

2008-11-05T12:36:00.003-06:00

I've had a few thoughts that don't themselves make a good post, so I think I'll pile 'em up here together.
First, here are some pictures from my birthday.
Matt bought this purse at Be The Butterfly by ecoist; which means it was really made by a woman in Peru or Mexico who was paid a fair price for her labor AND it's made from recycled wrappers! Yea for cute and eco-friendly and fair trade!

One of my bff's, Emily, sent me these beautiful flowers. They still look this good and they're over a week old!

I'm considering going into business as a health counselor/coach. I'm talking with some peeps to figure out how it will all work, but I'm really excited at the possibility. I'll keep you posted.

Abraham wanted to sit on the potty today. He's 18 months old! Perhaps he could teach my 3 year old how to go!

This is a picture I just thought was super cute. Boys brushing teeth before bed.

Eliot was formally evaluated by a friend of mine who does special education and I hope the results will help me understand how to best meet Eliot's needs with his education. I have this mental block when it comes to putting together a good plan for him. I just can't get one foot in front of the other. I've been discouraged and riddled with fear of failure. So now we know that Eliot is very advanced in math and reading. Close to 3 grade levels! If I can just take that info and make a good plan of action, we'll be fine. I hope.

Screw Daylight Savings

2008-11-03T08:13:00.002-06:00

Um, anyone care to let the little children in on the fact that they are supposed to sleep an EXTRA hour? I hate daylight savings! We even put our kids to bed late the last couple days so they would sleep the same amount of hours. But no. Abraham was up at 6:15 this morning. He had been waking up around 8! So, he's lost 2 hours of sleep! Eliot's the only one that is always predictable. He just sleeps about 11 1/2 hours no matter what time he goes down. He's always been like that. But the other two just get into a routine of waking up at a certain time and if anything at all changes, they wake up EARLIER!!!! I'm so annoyed by this because I've actually been waking up around 6 to run and read the Bible and shower before the kids are up. This morning, Abraham was up before I left the house. I read Acts 19 with him crawling all over me. I can't really tell you what it was about. And, I have not showered yet.
Grrrr....I want to move to that lone state that doesn't do daylight savings. But isn't that like Tennessee or something?

community

2008-10-26T13:29:00.004-06:00

Apparently I am full of deep thoughts this weekend.
About 6 months ago I was introduced to the idea of living in community. Co-housing. I know it seems weird but my first reaction was YES!! That's what we've been looking for! I have felt like something is missing. We have many friends we love to be with, talk with, even pray with. But, something is still missing. And, even though I tend to love things at first and then change my mind later, that hasn't happened with this yet. Even if it does (which I sincerely doubt) the idea of cohousing/community living has deeply affeted my understanding of life, church, and my faith.
As I am reading now about the early church I'm learning that they did everything together. They sold all their possessions, gave it to the poor, shared meals together, worshiped DAILY together, prayed together and for each other. They met in each other's homes. They WERE the church. Church is not a building or a location. I am the church. That can be intimidating. If I am the church then I am responsible to do something. I can't just show up, go home and forget it. That's not church. That's pretending to be the church.
How does this change anything? Church can happen in a large group setting, absolutely...if it is true community. It's also equally possible to meet regularly in a home with a small group and not really be CHURCH. So what's the difference? I think the difference is in our intentions. I think all members of the body need to be in agreement about being the church. If one person decides they don't want to be the church...they change the dynamics for everyone. This is, of course, easier to do in very small groups, but not essential (at least I don't think so at this point). It's clear in scripture that we are all members of one body. We are all important. If I don't show up and share what I have, I do a disservice to others. If I show up and no one wants to be the church with me, they do me a disservice.
What does this have to do with cohousing? I'm not exactly sure...it's just part of this deeply profound desire I have to be the church in my everyday. I have come to truly believe that we can't do life by ourselves. We aren't designed to be islands. We're designed for community. Even my closest friends don't often know what I struggle with on a daily basis because they aren't with me on a daily basis.
The reaction, I assume, is that I'm considering being a part of a gated commune and you may never see me or my children again. That's not at all what I'm suggesting. I'm suggesting that if we're willing to look outside the box in this culture which in no way resembles or fosters healthy community, we may find that one way to be intentional about community is to set it up as a lifestyle. If our lives as believers looks exactly like the lives of the rest of our culture, how are we set apart? Yes...we are to be IN this world. Just like Daniel was in Babylon. Yet, he had to drastically change his own life so that he wouldn't be enticed or consumed by the culture.
The Bible also says that the world will know we are followers of Christ by our love. I don't know anyone who would say that at this point Christians are known for our love. Rather, we are known for our judgment, condescending stereotypes, pretty churches (that most people wouldn't feel comfortable in), nice cars, big screens...the list goes on. I would like to propose the idea that if we were living simply and in community, we could be a much more loving people. We'd be faced with our own humanity and sinful desires because it's too hard to hide from people that close in our lives. We could be so much more useful as a group to those hurting all around us. The poor, widows, and orphans we intentionally seek out.
Realistically this is a bit idealistic. I know that when you get a group of people together it can get ugly. I know that personalities clash and we can offend. But, relationships are hard...they are messy. That's real. I am up for it.

Dark Night of the Soul

2008-10-25T23:38:00.004-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about God lately. I believe I'm missing out on so much that He has for me. But, I am scared to really pursue Him more. I'm afraid of what that would look like for me. What will I have to let go of? What will He ask me to do?
I almost feel like I'm an unbeliever who is around Christians and desires to have what they have. I have friends, new and old, that have something I want. There's a passion, a grounding, a wisdom, a sense of being unshaken by circumstances. I want that.
My friend Wendy and I were talking the other day about this weird place I have been in for the last few years. She said that the mystics would call it The Dark Night of the Soul. A time period that feels blind, lonely, and unrelenting. She also told me that sometimes these seasons where we don't feel anything toward God are the most productive, spiritually. Perhaps God even purposes them in our lives to show us more of Him. Looking back, perhaps I won't see this time as a season of life without God, but a time of tremendous spiritual growth in which God revealed Himself to me in ways I'd never known Him before.
Here's how I know things are changing: #1 I want to be around people who are passionate about God! I don't necessarily feel it. I don't even know if I want to yet. I just know I want to be around them.
#2 I also find myself getting emotional hearing about how God is moving in other's lives. I covet the relationship I see others experiencing with Him. I want to hear God like that. I want to recognize His voice.
So, for now I wait in the darkness. My feeble attempts to find God seem to be, at least right now, met with finding sweet friends who's love and joy overflow and drip onto me...giving me hope.

Ideas, anyone?

2008-10-20T19:53:00.003-05:00

I give up! Well, no I don't. It's just that despite my best intentions, I cannot seem to fit school into our daily routine. Perhaps it's because I don't know what to do. Maybe it's because I don't really want to do it. Maybe it's because by the time I make one meal, feed it to the kids, and clean it up, it's time to make the next meal. Our day is literally full. Or I should say MY day is full. Eliot and Emerson mostly play all day. I feel a bit rebellious right now, like I know what I need to do but I just don't want to do it. I really enjoyed that first month of hibernation when we began our school year. We still aren't that busy, and yet, I am overwhelmed.
For one thing, the curriculum we purchased is too easy. I feel like most of it is a total waste of time. AND there's a lot of drawing. Eliot HATES to draw. So, money down the drain. There is none left for exploring other curriculums.
Also, I am really not creative. I don't like to plan interesting kid activities. I used to do it for a job, but I really don't want to do it now! What's the matter with me?
I've had many friends suggest wonderful activities and things to do with him, but I just can't pull it together. I feel discouraged. I feel like a failure. I feel debilitated. Unmotivated. I fear I won't be able to give my kids the education they deserve.
I refuse to quit at this point. I have to give it a fair shot. But, I'm tempted...daily. Especially when I can hear all the kids in our neighborhood walking to the school down the street.
So, are there any homeschooling moms out there who spend a majority of their day cooking and cleaning who can tell me how they do it? I'm really looking for constructive criticism!

happy birthday to us!

2008-10-14T21:37:00.003-05:00

Matt and I both turn 30 this month! And, you know? It's really ok. I'm so thankful to be out of my 20's actually. I feel like turning 30 will be a rebirth of sorts. My 20's have been chock full of questioning, struggling, wrestling, doubting. I feel (as I have most of this year) that I'm really coming out of that season and into a new one. Fortunately, it seems (at least for now) that I'm becoming more comfortable with myself. I'm ok with not knowing all the answers (most of the time). I welcome the doubts and the questions as friends to sit and visit with, rather than strangers to be afraid of. I am secure in the love of my friends and family. I understand more now than ever how little I understand...and that's ok! I know my future holds wonderful things. Having 3 boys...that's guaranteed. I see my 30's as being more "official." I'm a real grown-up now (well, in about 2 weeks).
As we are simplifying our lives, we have asked our family for gifts that would be in line with that. We don't need more stuff...we'd like family experiences. So, Matt's parents bought us a family pass to the local zoo, science center, and Living history farms. WONDERFUL activities for a homeschooling family, don't you think? And the passes are good for an entire year...as many times as we'd like to go. And, I think we can go to other zoos, aquariums, and science centers all over the country as well.
And, my parents bought us a Burley AND refurbished their old bikes for us! I'm so excited! We've already been out on a few family bike rides. Eliot can ride his 2-wheeler and just loves to go out on the trails! We've been borrowing bikes from friends all summer...and now we have our own! We're so grateful for these great opportunities to have more quality time as a family.
Thank you to our wonderful, supportive families! We love you guys!

Guest Blogging

2008-10-08T21:08:00.002-05:00

Check out www.happytobeathome.net where I will be blogging daily next week on what goes on in this crazy kitchen of mine! :) I think my intro is up already! If my blogs here slow down, you know where to find me! :)

Renovation

2008-10-05T22:47:00.002-05:00

Obviously, I'm making some changes to my blog. I've enlisted the help of my organizing, computer-techy friend, Meredith. Please let me know if you find it easy to navigate. I'll be posting my menus, recipes, and thoughts on food, health, and nutrition under the Nourish :: body link on the right. I'll be posting my thoughts about faith, simpler living, and whatever else I find inspirational or healing under nourish :: soul...again, that link is on the right. My main page will be here...nourish :: mind. It's for whatever is on my mind...kids, family, homeschooling, etc. So, I hope you enjoy. I'll try to figure out a way to make it obvious when I've posted something new on the other links. Or you can just become a follower of all three and you'll be updated that way. Leave a message here and let me know what you think!

I've been tagged.

2008-10-02T10:41:00.002-05:00

Hmmm...never done one before, but sounds like fun brain candy! :) So here you go.
Rules: Answer these questions using ONLY one word (not as easy as you might think)

1. Where is your cell phone? pocket

2. Your significant other? teaching

3. Your hair? curly

4. Your mother? tired

5. Your favorite thing? boys

6. Your dream last night? weird

7. Your favorite drink? kombucha

8. Your dream/goal? community

9. What room are you in? bedroom

10. Your fear? imperfection

11. Where do you want to be in 6 years? content

12. Where were you last night? home

13. Something that you aren't? stylish

14. Muffins? Bran

15. Wish list item? bicycle

16. Last thing you did? dismiss

17. What are you wearing? jeans

18. Your TV? off

19. Your pets? none

20. Friends? LOVE

21. Your life? simpler

22. Your mood? eager

23. Missing someone? Davis

24. Your car? van

25. Something you're not wearing? makeup

26. Your favorite store? local

27. Your favorite color? green

28. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday

29. Last time you cried? hmm?

tag, you are it: emily, kristen, melissa, natalie, dana

Around the world in September

2008-10-02T10:19:00.005-05:00

I have pictures of what we've been up to this month. Besides homeschooling we've had a wonderful visit with my grandparents from New Jersey, my aunt from New York, and then for one of the days, my aunt and uncle from Fairfield, Iowa.

It was such a wonderful visit and I am still realizing the magnitude of the blessing it is to have extended family in your everyday life. I wish so much that we lived closer to our relatives.

Anyway, we've also been busy going to the zoo with friends, the beach with more friends, and a huge Alberhasky family reunion in Iowa City. So, I haven't blogged much, but I plan on it really soon! I am going to be making changes to this blog, so keep checking for that! :)

By the way, I posted the picture of the kids at the beach because it was so bizarre to go to Big Creek and see water that color. It was literally neon! And, even more bizarre was the man in the back who wanted to be in it!

Can you help?

2008-09-23T12:22:00.003-05:00

Lutheran Services in Iowa is expecting 50+ refugees to come to Des Moines in the next couple of weeks and they need our help! They need help setting up apartments as well as donations of twin beds, tables and chairs, pillows and pots and pans and other household items. I've been going through our closets for stuff and I've got sheets and comforters and pans and kids books (they don't accept clothing or adult books) and shower curtains, etc. So, if you live in the Des Moines area and you can help, please call Betsy at 515-271-7412. Or let me know and I can take stuff down for you! I'll be bringing my load probably tomorrow or Thursday! They do give receipts for tax purposes if you want! Please help give these families a pillow to rest their heads on! Literally...

Tunnel Vision

2008-09-22T14:00:00.005-05:00

I feel like we've been hibernating for the last month or so. I really wanted to focus on my kids, our family routine, homeschooling. And, it has been so good! I think this is a new way of life for us. Not constantly running. Not doing playdates every day. Not wasting time on the computer or in front of the TV. Hence the very infrequent posting on this blog. I am considering starting another blog or two to separate the different aspects of my life I like to talk about. Perhaps one about food and health. Maybe one about family/homeschooling. And maybe even one about the pursuit of a simpler life and seeking God about how we should be living. But, for now I am really resting. Not taking on anything new. No expectations about what my life should look like. I am enjoying working with my kids on their character. I'm sure you've heard the quote that goes something like:
a thought determines our actions
our actions determine our habits
our habits determine our character
our character determines our destiny.

I've been thinking on this a lot lately. Sometimes the responsibility of parenting my children is overwhelming. I am responsible to work on their character!? That's so intimidating. And what's so important about character? For one, I want my children to be a blessing to others. I don't have to teach them to be selfish and self-centered! That, unfortunately comes quite naturally. I've had time to realize how pride comes so naturally to us all and that I have to intentionally sow humility in my children. And, yet as I have been taking away the distraction of our "extra curriculars" it has become so simple. I have time to stop one child in the middle of a conversation and ask him if that's how he would want to be spoken to. I've had time to work on obedience...the first time. I have time to encourage my children to find something to do that would be a blessing to someone else. I have time to bring up something they have said that is arrogant and talk about how that makes others feel. I have time to stop and pray with them about their feelings, their hearts, our family or friends who have needs and pain. Their character determines what kind of person they will become. I want them to be kind to others. I want them to be best friends to each other. Loyal to their family. Helpful spouses. Humble and giving...like me! :) haha! It's amazing how humbling it is to watch your kids behave in the same way I do and realize, "wow...they got that ugly attitude from me." So, I have to look at my own heart and be sensitive to what I'm modeling for them.

I've also had time to discover how Eliot learns best. And it isn't really coloring or worksheets. So, we now begin the process of true home education tailored to each child's specific ways of learning. One thing I know he loves is being read to! I've had precious moments of reading James and the Giant Peach while snuggling on our big bed with his little brother and lots of pillows and blankets! This time has been such a gift to me. I plan on making it a habit.

Already one blessing that came from this time of focus has been our visit from my grandparents and aunt from the east coast. They came in last Wednesday and they left this afternoon. My kids spent 5 days straight with elderly people who couldn't handle much noise or commotion and they were absolutely delightful. Now, you must know that there's no such thing as having 3 boys that are ALWAYS delightful. But, when I spoke, they obeyed. When I asked them to settle down and read books or talk quietly, they listened. When their great-grandma asked if they wanted to draw pictures, they happily climbed on her lap and obliged. My kids gleaned so much from being around my grandparents. The elderly always have so much to teach us. Before they left my grandparents and my Aunt Leslie spoke of the blessing my kids were to them and what a wonderful time they had with them. I am right now overwhelmed and humbled by the hearts and behavior of my kids. I hope I never forget this week and what an impact focused parenting and probably a bit luck of has on our children! :)

Menu Plan Monday

2008-09-08T16:28:00.002-05:00

Well, I actually do my menu planning on Sundays, usually, but for the sake of being a conformist, I'll post it on Mondays! :)

Monday
Breakfast: Teff and Quinoa pancakes with almond butter and raspberries. Smoothie cocktails (with our probiotics and other supplements) made with almond milk and frozen peaches or berries.
Lunch: Leftover meat with potatoes and veggies skillet
Dinner: Homemade chicken fingers with crushed walnuts and quinoa flour
Snacks: Watermelon, Crispy Almonds
TO DO: Soak Oatmeal, Soak Chick peas

Tuesday
Breakfast: GF oatmeal with chopped nuts and berries; Smoothies
Lunch: Baked Potatoes with beans, cheese (not for eliot), and tomatoes
Dinner: Thai Salmon soup with curry and coconut
Snack: Melon with nuts and seeds
TO DO: Cook chickpeas, make hummus, thaw chicken

Wednesday
Breakfast: Veggie, sausage skillet; Smoothies
Lunch: Leftover soup, carrot sticks, and peas
Dinner: Chili with cornbread, green salad, watermelon
Snack: Peppers with hummus
TO DO:

Thursday
Breakfast: GF Pancakes with berries, Smoothies
Lunch: Leftovers
Dinner: Chili dogs (beelers) or chili quesedillas on rice tortillas with avacados
Snack: Rice cake with almond butter
TO DO: Roast chicken, soak rice, start sprouting lentils

Friday
Breakfast: GF steel cut oats with raisins and peanut butter
Lunch: Leftovers
Dinner: Eggplant/Chickpea Curry over brown rice and big green salad
Snack: Crispy nuts and cheese or veggie sticks

Saturday
Breakfast: Sausage/Veggie/Egg skillet, Smoothie
Lunch: Lentil Pancakes, Veggies and hummus
Dinner: Steak salad with potatoes and green beans and homemade shallot/anchovy dressing.
Snack: Rice Cake with almond butter

Sunday
Breakfast: Oatmeal Pancakes, eggs, Smoothies
Lunch: Chicken, peas, carrot sticks, berries
Dinner: Zuchinni Pizza, green salad
Snack: Crispy nuts and fruit

Happy Eating!

Emotional Day

2008-09-07T15:14:00.004-05:00

Today is an emotional day. Actually I've been emotional a lot lately...and, no, I am not pregnant! :) I get emotional when I'm overwhelmed and I do tend to get overwhelmed easily...usually by things that I really should be able to just let go of and not worry about. Like cleaning, for instance. Or looking more stylish than I really am. Or organizing. Or planning out our future...or even just the next week. Or my sons' sicknesses. I've said it often and I'll say it again: I am a control freak learning how to let go. I don't want to be a perfectionist. I don't want to be weary and tired and overwhelmed. I don't want to believe that I have to do it all and do it all perfectly. I want to feel free to be a little messy, because I am; a little un-stylish, a little unorganized, a little forgetful, a little goofy...because I AM.
Things I really do love and want to spend my time and energy on:
growing closer to God...like actually putting effort into it!
my children
my husband
food-reading about, shopping for, and cooking
natural birth
homeschooling
learning about adoption
reading...FOR FUN!!!!
and, blogging! ;)

I refuse to feel inadequate. I only feel inadequate when I compare myself to others. I have been feeling this draw to a simpler life where I have less stuff to organize and mess up my house...where my kids can be in nature-right outside our back door...where my garden is a major food source for my family. I am not really sure where to begin, but I sense God is moving us out of one phase of life and into another. We're in that in-between limbo phase. Just at the point now where our faith and our dependence on God is being restored, and knowing that our lives in the suburbs with lots of toys and stuff will soon change. Limbo.

In the meantime, I desire REST. I pray for it often. Internal, deeply profound REST. Rest in the limbo. Rest in the chaos. Rest in the clutter. Rest in the sickness. Rest in Him who is able to pour out His Spirit of Peace into our lives and calm the storm.

I found these verses to be so therapeutic...posted at Frugal Granola, thanks Michele! :)

Isaiah 26:3
"You will keep in perfect peace whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."

John 15:5-6
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such brancehs are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned."

James 1:2-4
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Philippians 4:12-13
"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."

Isaiah 40:28-30
"Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those whose hope is in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

I pray these verses will encourage you today as they have me. Peace be with you.

Menu Plan Monday

2008-08-25T21:37:00.002-05:00

I'm struggling right now with our menu because I can't believe how hard it is to actually eat WHOLE foods with food allergies. As you can see, I'm clearly in a rut with breakfast...same two or three things rotated. Dinners are ok, but I would love more variety. Lunches...again, a little stuck. Still...while these aren't ideal as far as wholesome goes (I hate doing store-bought rice breads, mixes etc.) it's what I know is at least SAFE for now. I'm working on getting to the WHOLESOME part! I really had it down before we had to eliminate eggs, dairy, and gluten. This is really Eliot's menu, but for the most part we're all eating it. However, I cannot do all the grains so I'm doing more eggs in the morning, etc. Eliot shouldn't really have this much starch either, but I'm too overwhelmed with figuring out homeschooling and this new diet, that I don't have time to focus on it right now!
Here's our menu for the week:
Monday
Breakfast: Potato/veggie skillet and Smoothies with almond milk
Lunch: PB&J on rice bread, watermelon
Dinner: Tex/Mex Millet and Amaranth casserole with loads of veggies and chicken
Snack: Crispy Almonds and peaches

Tuesday
Breakfast:GF Pancakes with pear and Smoothies with hemp milk
Lunch: Cabbage/leftover skillet
Dinner: Thai leek, butternut squash, coconut soup with grilled wild salmon and green salad
Snack: Apple with almond butter

Wednesday:
Breakfast: Teff skillet bread with almond butter and peaches and smoothies.
Lunch: Leek, chard, and white bean soup
Dinner: Grilled chicken with green beans, green salad, and purple potatoes
Snack: Pear with crispy nuts

Thursday:
Breakfast: GF oats with berries and Smoothies with almond milk or fil milk.
Lunch: Leftovers or soup from freezer
Dinner: Texas grassfed beef skillet with brown rice, avocado, tomatoes, and other veggies
Snack: Rice cake with almond butter

Friday:
Breakfast: Potato and veggie skillet with smoothies
Lunch: Sprouted lentil pancakes with hummus and carrot sticks
Dinner: Nachos (with leftover meat) and sauteed veggies
Snack: Nuts and fruit

Saturday:
Breakfast: GF waffles with nut butter and pears and smoothies
Lunch: leftovers and salad
Dinner: Eggplant, heirloom tomato and organic mozzarella cheese bake with spinach salad
Snack: rice and chicken broth

Sunday:
Breakfast: GF oats with berries and smoothies
Lunch: BLT's on rice bread with avocado and veggies
Dinner: leftovers night!
Snack: Hummus and veggies

First Day of School

2008-08-25T15:05:00.004-05:00

So, I decided to start this week with our new schedule for the school year. Technically, I'm not starting our curriculum until next week, but I'm almost ready for that. I am not a super organized person, but I do realize that in order to get it all done, we just have to have a plan. So, instead of scheduling our day in 15-minute increments I decided to break it down by the hour.
8am Breakfast and clean up
9am Morning chores (laundry, get dressed, brush teeth, make beds, etc.)
10am School time (Emerson will be at the table with us and Abraham naps)
11am Outside/Large motor time.
12pm Lunch and cleanup
1-3 Nap

Obviously not all of that will take up a whole hour, but for me that's just enough of a time line to not feel rushed or too restricted! :)

So, this morning the kids did colorforms! I LOVED these as a kid and my mom bought them for my kids for Christmas last year. They did this for over half an hour! Then I read a book to them and when Emerson wanted to read it again, Eliot took over. It was a little hard for him to get through it all, but he did really well.

I love being able to set our own pace. I'm so glad we're homeschooling this year as I feel like I'm really getting to know Eliot at a deeper level. He woke up late this morning and took his time coming down the stairs for breakfast. He usually jumps out of bed and runs downstairs to be with us. But, not today...he waited about 2 minutes! :) Anyway, when he came down he said, "I was just praying. I said 'Dear Jesus, I don't want to be a sinner. I want to be a good guy. Please fill me with your faith, joy, and love.'"

I KNOW! Seriously, I don't pray with that kind of maturity. It was a humbling moment for me as I thought about how my prayers are so often filled with requests. Anyway, I am thankful today that Eliot could sleep until 8:30 and wake up to spend some quiet time in bed for a few minutes. I know it could have happened if we were rushing out the door for school, too, but it just made me feel thankful.

Food, Glorious Food

2008-08-22T14:16:00.003-05:00

I'm singing the rest of that in my head...I hope you are too! :)
I don't know about you, but I am SOOOO much more thankful for food this year. I think for me, it's because I've been so close to where our food comes from. Besides gardening (which was pitiful really, even for my first year) I've also been working at an organic farm weekly in exchange for a big box of yummy veggies and fruits to bring home. It's just been an amazing experience for me as I hadn't ever even been on a farm until I was an adult. I really want my kids to be TRULY thankful for their food, not just say that in a prayer before we eat as some meaningless, perfunctory obligation. So, things always work from the top down don't they? I hope that they see my thankfulness and it rubs off on them. But, I'm also bringing them to the farm whenever I can so they know where their food comes from, and the farmers who worked so hard to get it to them. I also had a friend call last week to ask if we'd like to come pick apples and pears from her prolific trees! So, we hauled all the kids over there last Saturday and toured her gardens and picked her delicious fruit! Oh, I love the outdoors and the amazing nourishment it provides for us! Thank you, Lord, for not just providing the basic necessities of life, but for doing it with such dramatic color, variety, and flavors!
The pictures are of the produce in my house this week from the farm and my friends fruit trees! I'm so excited to make:
Apple sauce
Pear sauce
Tomato sauce
Eggplant/tomato/feta pie
Potato/leek soup
Peach and apple pie fillings
Pesto

All in a week's work.

Adventureland

2008-08-17T14:12:00.005-05:00

I don't think I've ever won anything...ever! But last week I received 4 tickets to Adventureland (our local theme park) in the mail for participating in a survey for our local Christian music station, Pulse 99.5...(if you're in the Des Moines area, check it out...it's really good!) Anyway, I was so excited! Matt's mom came to watch Abraham so we could take the older boys for the day. It was a blast. There were tons of rides they could go on! I had no idea how expensive it would have been, though. It's $31 for an adult and $27 for kids over 4! So, getting in for free was AMAZING! We did the log ride, tea cups, bumper cars, ferris wheel, airplane and dragon rides, ski lifts, and so much more. We had to pack a lunch, of course, but we actually enjoyed taking a break to have a picnic. We ate right next to a little creek and the boys found sticks and played in it for a while before we went back into the park. I feel so determined to break away from the "every day" life to make memories more often! It's not hard to find a place to hike or ride a bike (although Matt and I don't have working bikes right now)...it just takes a bit of thought and planning, but it's so worth it!

baking with mommy...a wordless post

2008-08-11T20:26:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday Emerson

2008-08-09T20:30:00.001-05:00

I can't believe my baby is turning 3! I won't get all cliche' about how fast time flies, because you already know that. I am enjoying this boy SO much. He is such a mystery to me and it's been an adventure getting to REALLY know him. I think if I didn't pay attention, he'd just be a wallflower. He's quiet and mellow and yet strong and decisive. He's sweet and lovable on his terms. I have to take the hugs and kisses and the "I love you mommy's" wherever I can get them because I don't get them if I ask! :) But, they mean so much more when I know they were his idea! Emerson is thoughtful and pensive. In fact, he really didn't talk much at all until way after he turned 2...he was just thinking about stuff. So, now that he talks a lot more, I've been trying to write down some of the things he says...he's just hilarious!

Emerson trying to tell a story like Eliot does: "Once upon a time there was a boy named mommy. she died a tiger. she never came back. The end."

"We alweady did dat nexterday"-translation "we already did that yesterday, or the other day, or one time in recent history"

Emerson LOVES jammies. I mean he would wear them all day everyday if he could (and he does quite often.) He loves them so much he'll change from one pair to another over and over. He talks about them all the time. Like, "Mommy, did you see my dinosaur jammies?" or, he'll bring me three or four pairs and say "Mommy, see my Christmas jammies and my red jammies, and my truck jammies?"

Slime Popsicle-translation=Lime Popsicle
oh no jose' -translation= no way jose'
stooby doop-translation=scooby doo

To my sweet Emerson boy:
Mommy and Daddy just adore you! Your spirit and your heart bring so much joy to our home! I love how you wrinkle up your nose when you're concentrating. I love how you seem to feel the most loved when Mommy makes you something you love to eat! :) You are so free with the kisses and "I love you, Mommy"'s when you're eating something you think is tasty...a man after my own heart! :) I just love how you take care of your baby brother. If Abraham cries, you are right there asking him if he wants his blanky or if he is ok. I love how you pat his head and say, "are you ok, little buddy?" I love that when you wake up from nap or at other times during the day you often ask, "Mommy, where's my baby?" I love your quiet, sweet personality. You are thoughtful and calm, just like your Daddy. I love when you play dress up and won't let us call you Emerson. Maybe you're a tiger or a dinosaur or a rescue hero. I just love watching you play with Eliot. You are two peas in a pod. Sometimes Eliot has to help you out, which you don't like so much, but you're a team...you love each other and you take care of each other. I love that.
Emerson, I believe God has big plans for you. I pray that He will show us how to model His love the way you receive it best and how to meet the needs that are unique to just you! Your strong will and determination will serve you well in life. You are so special and so perfect just the way you are. Happy birthday big boy! With more love and gratitude for you than I can possibly express,
Mommy (and Daddy, too!)

Picking myself up off the floor

2008-08-05T20:34:00.005-05:00

Well, it's been a week since we got Eliot's test results back and I'm happy to report that I'm finally doing ok. I have had a rough time adjusting to this new reality, I can't lie. There have been a lot of tears, anger, and a few major temper tantrums (though Eliot seems to be handling things just fine!) :) I did do a 2 week menu plan so I feel a bit better organized, though I do need to make adjustments and prepare a lot of things ahead of time. So, I thought I'd post some of it here.
Keep in mind that doing gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, and sugar (or any sweetner)-free as well as limited grains and fruits severely limits our choices. I just got back from Costco armed with a million vegetables, so I think we're ready.
Along with most meals he will also have fermented veggies or fruits (for added natural probiotics and enzymes), a digestive enzyme, and krill oil (since he can't have cod liver oil right now)

DAY 1
Breakfast: Metagenics powder (for serious gut-healing action)/apple sauce cocktail (with all his supplements and vitamins), sausage/veggies and GF oatmeal.
TO DO: Soak oats (for better digestion)
Lunch: Cabbage sauté with black beans and veggies and Lemon water (for kidneys which seemed to be over-working a bit in his bloodwoork)
Dinner: Hamburger/wild rice casserole, salad
TO DO: Soak Rice
Snack: Nuts and raspberries

DAY 2
Breakfast: Metagenics/Almond milk cocktail, GF pancakes with turkey sausage
TO DO: soak flour (for easier digestion) and make milk
Lunch: Minestrone soup, carrot sticks with hummus, Lemon water
ToDo: make hummus
Dinner: Salmon and Curry Quinoa with large salad and veggies.
To Do: Soak xtra grains
Snack:Rice cakes with nut butter, Cantalope or fruit

DAY 3
Breakfast: Metagenics/ Applesauce cocktail, Breakfast Quinoa, Banana w/nut butter
Lunch: Leftovers, Lemon water
Dinner: Short ribs over brown rice, large green salad, green beans
TO DO: Soak rice and take out meat to thaw
Snack: Nuts and fruit

DAY 4
Breakfast: Metagenics/Almond milk cocktail, GF oatmeal, veggie skillet
TO DO: Soak Oats
Lunch: Leftovers, Lemon water
Diner: Homemade Chicken nuggets, green beans, salad
Snack: Rice cake with nut butter

DAY 5
Breakfast: Met. Cocktail,Turkey burger/veggies and leftover GF pancakes w/nut butter
To Do: make burgers
Lunch: Soup from freezer and leftovers, Lemon water
Dinner: Chicken Drummies in Mustard sauce with salad and veggies
Snack: Nuts and berries

DAY 6
Breakfast: Met cocktail, veggie/potato skillet with melon
Lunch: Leftovers with cabbage and veggies, Lemon water
Dinner: Kinnicinick Spaghetti w/homemade meat sauce, salad.
Snack: Rice cake with nut butter

DAY 7
Breakfast: Met. Cocktail, GF oats, turkey burger and veggies
Lunch: Leftovers with carrot sticks and hummus, Lemon water
Dinner: Chicken salad wraps (brown rice wraps) with avacado, tomato, ledduce and hummus
DO: roast chicken
Snack: Nuts and berries

Eliot Updates

2008-07-29T14:54:00.004-05:00

So, right now it's 3pm and Abraham for some reason isn't napping, but instead screaming. I'm beyond stressed because I have VBS in a little bit that I haven't been able to prepare for and I also just got back Eliot's blood tests this morning. I also woke up with sinus pressure, so I have a headache and I'm not breathing well (probably more due to stress than anything). Ok, deep breath.
We did a blood test on Eliot that checked IgG and IgA levels for 164 foods. IgG and IgA are antibodies found in our blood that indicates your body is attacking something. For example, if you are really sick, your antibodies will be high because they are fighting infection. (If I understand all this correctly). What we found is that Eliot is sensitive to A LOT of foods. However, this isn't like food allergies where they may never be able to eat them again, this is food sensitivities. What we believe is that Eliot's immune system is so messed up for various reasons that his digestive system (which makes up 80% of our immune systems) can't handle much. So, what we are doing by eliminating the foods he is sensitive to is allowing his gut and immune system to heal so he can one day enjoy those foods again.
The results are separated into 3 classes. Class 1 being the mild but definite sensitivity and 3 being the most severe. There were plenty of things that were about .01 from being a positive 1 sensitivity, but we aren't worrying about those right now. We plan on eliminating ALL of the positive sensitivities to give him the best chance of healing quickly and then in 3-6 months begin adding the class 1 foods back in one at a time. It will probably be a very long time before the class 3 foods can come back (unless, of course, God chooses to just heal him completely!!!!)
The IgG tests for sensitivities and delayed reactions built up over time, while IgA tests for current reactions...I don't completely understand that.
Here's what we know:

Class 1 foods for IgG:
basil, cheese, ginger, grapefruit, blackberry, brazil nuts, cherries, chestnuts, flaxseed, lentils, mango, melon, oyster, paprika, cayenne pepper, red pepper, pistachio, radish, tuna

Class 2 foods for IgG:
barley, blueberry, cashew, corn, egg yolk, grape, brewers yeast, strawberry, malt, casein (milk protein), cranberry, kiwi, pike walleye

Class 3 for IgG (most severe):
codfish, coffee, egg white, gluten (grain protein), haddock, cow's milk, pineapple, rye, sesame, wheat, bakers yeast, yogurt, cottonseed, goats milk, whey.

For the IgA test, everything he tested positive for was a class 1, so that's good.
Class 1 foods for IgA:
apple, basil, blueberry, clam, coconut, cucumber, eggplant, haddock, honey, lamb, cows milk, soybean, black tea, bakers yeast, casein, cottonseed, melon, oyster, paprika, parsley, rabbit (oh, darn!), sage, tangerine, whey.

My friend, Kristen, helped me categorize these and we figured out that he is most definitely to stay away from all the top 9 food allergies: egg, soy, dairy, wheat, peanut, tree nut, fish, shellfish, gluten grains, and sesame. (except for peanut...which was a big surprise-a happy one).
That's all in addition to many fruits, veggies, spices, etc. but that just gives you an idea of what we're working with here. AND it doesn't take into account that we are also trying to stay away from sugar or sugar-producing foods like fruits and grains! Grrr...

Eliot's chronic ear infections and eczema are almost definitely caused by a leaky gut that is tired of fighting irritants and a weak immune system. Whether this is the answer for all our eczema issues is up in the air. There still could be environmental factors as well as infections we have to deal with. But, we are taking it one step at a time.

I feel overwhelmed, certainly, by all of this. And, yet equally hopeful and empowered that we can heal our boy! Please pray with us for healing and for continued direction and that all of this really would be the key we've been missing.

Our Week

2008-07-27T08:26:00.005-05:00

We've had a busy week over here. I haven't had time to post, so I'll fill you in on bits and peices of what we've been doing. I don't know how to put pictures on and write so that the captions match with the right picture. I just know how to line 'em up...sorry! :)
Monday I babysat sweet Sterk kiddos while Meredith cleaned at the Blooms. It isn't much, but it's one small way I can feel like I'm helping!
Tuesday Eliot learned how to ride his bike! His grandparents bought him a great bike for his birthday 2 months ago. Instead of learning by taking the training wheels off, you just take off the pedals and the kid learns how to ride by getting balance and using their feed to move the bike. When they are ready, you just put the pedals back on and they are off! We had just had my friend, Beth here that day and she did a Brain Gym balance with him and within 20 minutes, he was riding by himself. I never ran up and down the sidewalks or anything. I just helped him on and let go! It was so great...we were laughing like crazy!
Let's see...nothing too exciting on Wednesday.
Thursday we had a waxing party. Fun fun! Except I think my armpits are going to be sore forever! :)
Friday, we had family pizza/movie night. We try to do this regularly, but we haven't done it in a while. Matt goes to the library and picks out a movie for the kids...this week it was Snow Buddies. I made zucchini pizza. Don't scoff. Matt and the kids LOVED it. Matt couldn't stop rambling on and on. I'll give you the recipe...well, it's not an official recipe. I'll just tell you what I did! :)
Zucchini Pizza
1 VERY large zucchini (the kind at the markets you don't know what to do with because it's too big and probably too tough to saute' or grill!)
1 regular zucchini (for the kids)
1 onion, diced
1/2 jar organic spaghetti sauce
1 lb grazianos sausage (you wonder why Matt loved it so much)
a few handfuls of ital. cheese (mozzarella, fontina, parmesan, whatev)

Preheat oven to 350
Saute' onions in a little olive oil, add sausage. Add sauce. Let simmer on med. for a few minutes until sausage is cooked through.
Cut the zucchinis in half the long way. Scoop out the seeds, leaving enough room to stuff it.
Fill the zucchini with sausage mixture and top with cheese. Put in oven for a while. The little ones only need about 10 minutes. The huge ones need about 15 or so. The recipe is so easy. You could definitely use turkey or chicken sausage, but for us Grazianos is the only way to go. We really don't eat pork much at all, but when you splurge, splurge right, you know!
This was super yummy and the whole thing was way under 30 minutes!

Saturday, we had our friend Carrie over to take pics of the kids...I'll post those later...when I get them! But, I am SOOO excited about what she did.
Saturday night we went on "vacation" with our friends, the Vansickels! We were going to go with them to the Omaha zoo for the weekend, but we couldn't for various reasons. So we decided to take the kids to the Blank Park Zoo here and out to dinner, instead! But, we didn't get to the zoo until 4pm and learned that they close at 5!!! And, they don't even give you a discount on getting in at the end of the day! We were so bummed. So, instead we went to Jordan Creek playland and the food court. It wasn't the zoo, but we still had fun. But, it wasn't until the ride home when my kids were literally bawling with belly aches that I realized they haven't eaten fast food in almost a year...at least 9 months! They were miserable and cried off and on until the finally fell asleep, puke buckets ready. If you know Eliot and Emerson, you know they don't usually cry in pain unless something REALLY hurts (I can't say the same for our little drama queen, Abraham!). So, I'm thinking we probably won't do fast food again for a very long time...maybe never! I felt so bad. But, all in all, we had a nice week. I felt rested in my role as mommy and enjoyed my kids. I know. I set the bar pretty low. But, that's where I'm at right now. I want to just focus on being my kids' mom....and ENJOYING it!

Katie's new blog

2008-07-20T23:03:00.003-05:00

There is now a new blog specifically set up to track Katie's recovery and updates. It is:
http://katiebloomprogress.blogspot.com

Katie

2008-07-19T09:51:00.003-05:00

Ok, so Meredith is our official news reporter...check on her blog for updates on Katie Bloom. We are happy to say that she's doing better and better...I hear she kissed Davey's hand! :) Praise God for the miracles to come!

Pray Pray Pray

2008-07-18T20:26:00.004-05:00

A friend of ours, Katie Bloom, is in the hospital after suffering from a brain aneurism early this morning. My dear friend Meredith is keeping us all posted. We're praying for a miracle!

Quote

2008-07-16T14:04:00.004-05:00

Take this quote with a grain of salt, but let it speak truth as it pertains to you.

"Women are WARRIORS for the Lord when they properly nourish their families-not some beat down, overworked slave. Convenience equals weakness and disease for ourselves, our husbands, and our kids (future warriors).
We MUST convince women that every day that they are in their home, and every meal they sacrifice to make for their family, or every chemical they eliminate from the environment is truly a blow to the enemy and his cause. Satan is destroying Christianity by virtually eliminating Christians. How many generations can be so weak from not nursing and malnutrition before we just don't exist?..."

A friend of mine wrote this quote. I realize it seems extreme, and I really don't have the fear factor in me at all. However, I love the gist of it. The heart behind all this work I'm doing for my children is that I'm giving them a good start. I won't settle for sick kids. I know it doesn't have to be this way. In order to fulfill our highest callings as followers of Christ, which is to love and serve God and other people, we must be well. Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. Does God allow us to be sick? Does he allow us to die? Of course. And, sometimes I do believe there is a greater purpose in it. I don't believe that we will ALWAYS see the results we want because we live on this side of heaven. It's not perfect here and it never will be. However, I'm responsible for myself, my husband, and my children. And, I have to do the best I can so God can use them according to their highest potential. I realize that Eliot can't right now be functioning at his highest potential because he can't even ride a bike or take a walk or eat one meal without stopping to itch or wipe blood off his legs. And now Abraham is following in his footsteps. I count it a blessing and a joy to be working towards the goal of their total health and recovery.

Happy Days

2008-07-14T12:27:00.004-05:00

I have to apologize if my last few blogs have been depressing. While things can be stressful, we are actually having a fun summer. So, I'll fill you in on some of the good stuff. First of all, Matt finally got a full-time teaching position at the DMACC urban campus! We've been praying for an opportunity like this for a very long time. Jobs like this do not come easy, let me tell you. So, in Matt's words, the fact that he got this position is more God's mercy on us than it is Matt's abilities. It's just that there are many many people who've been teaching adjunct for years waiting for a full-time position to open so when Matt was inquiring about a full-time gig a year or two ago, they laughed and said something like, "get in line buddy!" We've never had a benefits package or anything so we are EXTREMELY excited to not pay our health insurance entirely out-of-pocket! He will still continue to do real estate on the side, but it will be supplemental income rather than the primary source of income. We're thrilled!

The kids and I have been really busy with swimming lessons and playdates as well. I've been doing a lot of cooking and freezing things like butter, soups, sorbet, etc. And I'm also dointg a small amount of researching kindergarten curriculum. But, for the most part, we're outside playing in the water. I have a few pictures here of our new pool. Emerson just loves it! :) Ha Ha! We've gone to friends' pools and the splash park and our friend's lake house as well, so lots of water activity...which has reeked havoc on Eliot AND Abraham's legs. More updates on that in another post.

Let's see...oh, Eliot's been making pictures and art projects and spice mixtures (yeah...i wonder where he got that idea) for "the poor kids in Africa who have no clean water to drink." He's actually sold about 20 bucks worth of stuff! I am not sure where he got the idea, but it's been pretty cool to see how hard he's working on it. I don't know exactly how we're going to send the money to Africa, but I think my parent's church may be going there soon, so we'll have to look into that. In the mean time, if you have any need for, oh I don't know a pencil holder or a piece of very fine art from a 6 year old boy and would like to support his cause, let me know and I'll hook you up! :)

Emerson is having a great summer since he gets to be stripped down to his diaper most of the time! This kid would never wear clothing if I didn't make him. And I don't usually make him! For Emerson it's either naked or jammies and that's it! But, we're taking advantage of the nakedness by putting him on the potty whenever he wants. He's never gone, but he likes to sit there once in a while! :)

Abraham is finally walking! Yep...14 months old and JUST walking. My other two were walking at 9 1/2 and 10 1/2 months so this feels late, but I'm enjoying it so much more I think because the boys and Matt and I are so excited every time he takes a step!

The boys are really into fighting with swords...yeah, I know...I wasn't going to do that, but it's pretty funny how they know exactly what to do with them without being shown. You try having three boys and no swords! It's impossible, I guarantee it!
So, yes I am tired and often weary, but we're having fun, too! :) Thanks for all your support and prayers. We're doing well and getting through all of this. In addition to Eliot and now Abraham's legs, we have a crazy lunatic making death threats on our family....Again, more on that in another post. But, God's been very gracious and we are INCREDIBLY thankful to have each other and such a wonderful network of friends and family that surround us! We love you all! Happy summer to you!

Gentleness

2008-07-10T14:25:00.004-05:00

I'm trying to be more gentle with myself. I'm so tired. I haven't blogged much lately because, in a word, I'm weary. There are not enough hours in the day to meet our basic needs, which right now are food, clothing, and shelter. Eliot's diet (which is, for the most part, all of our diets) is very time consuming. Everything requires more work and planning. Add to that basic upkeep of a house (laundry, dishes...oh the dishes, cleaning, etc), swim lessons, holding Abraham ALL day, amongst other side things we always have going on. Life is just not smooth sailing right now. I read this post today, though and it reminded me to be gentle with myself. I can't control everything.
We're going through a lot of changes right now. We're in the middle of changing churches (probably), changing jobs, changing diets, and changing spiritually. Not everyone can understand these changes. I wish I had an easy response to my friends and family who don't necessarily approve of one or more of these changes to make them understand this is OUR process. I get frustrated when someone makes a judgment about my life or about our choices when they don't know how we got here. We all come with our preconceived ideas about how things work and the way things are. We've all been taught certain things from a young age. When someone you know challenges that, it's hard. I know. I feel it often. But, I wish people would give us the benefit of the doubt and know that it's ok if we disagree. I was just with friends yesterday and we were talking about this very thing. It's hard to think that you've put time and heart and prayer into something and someone else has too, but they didn't come up with the same answer. Is one wrong? Naturally, we are inclined to believe that we are right and the other person is wrong. I'd love to be able to say, " that's not how I believe but I care about you so I'd like you to share with me how you came to that belief." I'd like to be a little more open-minded. And gentle. And I wish others would too.

Itchy Itchy Itchy

2008-06-22T08:43:00.003-05:00

Here are pictures of our Eliot's legs right now. He's had eczema since he was a baby so it's been a long 5 years! We've tried just about everything the medical community has to offer, and we are more convinced than ever that they really can't help us any longer. The more we research and the more doctors we take him to, the more frustrated we become. So, we are now on a quest to find natural healing for our little guy. I hope we are soon able to post pictures of his new skin, soft and not itchy! He's been sloughing skin like crazy...we've found it all over his sheets, along with blood from scratching so much! He's just constantly uncomfortable and it just breaks my heart. So, after researching and talking to natural doctors and friends we have decided to put Eliot on a very strict diet to heal his immune system. We believe very strongly that all the immunizations and antibiotics the poor guy has had has severely crippled his immune system. More on that another time.
Here's his new diet:
NO SUGAR AT ALL!!! Not even fruit (with the exception of green apples-lower in sugar).
No dairy (which we know he's sensitive to)
Limited grains (by that I mean only one serving of properly prepared grains-again, more on that in another post)
Lots of sunshine
Lots of probiotics
Lots of Cod liver oil
Healing oils and homemade herbal mixtures for topical relief

We are praying for his complete healing, but it seems like that is going to come from our persistent push for answers and knowledge about his body! I'm sure there will be many posts to come on Eliot and his condition!

Mistakes and Imperfection

2008-06-17T14:27:00.004-05:00

I'm coming to terms with my inadequacy. There's no denying it anymore. I tend to be a perfectionist...not that I am perfect, but I HATE not being perfect. I hate making mistakes. Real mistakes. Lately, I'm making mistakes left and right and they've been ones that directly affect other people, which means I can't pretend it didn't happen or that it wasn't a big deal. I feel right now like I've been slapped in the face. It hurts and I did it to myself. I hate having to say I'm sorry and I hate having to admit that I was wrong. But, most of all, I hate that I've caused other people to feel bad or hurt in any way.
So, I'm really trying to take a hard look at myself. I can't change what I don't acknowledge (thanks Dr. Phil). So, here's the truth about me:
I'm selfish. I usually think of my own needs before the needs of others. I am often impatient. I think I know more than I actually know. I'm prideful. And, I make mistakes when I'm acting out of these characteristics.
I truly hate all of these things. But, this is real...and this is everyone. In our own nature we are all selfish and prideful. We all make mistakes. We all screw up and hurt other people.
I've apologized...and been forgiven, I think. And, yet, there's this force inside me that wants to dwell on it and beat myself up over and over and over again. I hate feeling inadequate. But, I am aware that it is in my weakness that God is made strong. I'm never going to be perfect. I will always make mistakes. I don't have it all together. But if I allow God to work in me and refine me and teach me, I can take this morbid awareness and turn it into beauty. I can use it to become humble and more accepting of others when they make mistakes. To my friends: Forgive me for my imperfections. Be patient with me. I'm so sorry.

Violence and Faith

2008-06-15T14:20:00.004-05:00

We went to Echo Park Church today where Josh gave a great message. If you've been reading my blog over the last 9 months or so you will know that I've been disillusioned and bitter for the last few years about Christianity. Partly with Christians and partly with God. I've been working through it slowly but I've felt stuck more often than not. I'm learning that "stuck" may really be a part of my process, so I'm embracing that for now. Anyway, I digress. There are very few people I have been able to listen talk about God. Please realize that has nothing to do with the people, but is entirely (well, ok, mostly) my own issues. If you've walked this path at all you know what it feels like when just can't stand one more "God is in control" or "All things will work together for good" or "You just need a little more faith". Nope...can't have any of it. I realize that there is a time and place where some of those "christianeze cliches" have merit, but I have just not been able to stomach them. Fortunately, at Echo Park I've been able to feel like I'm among friends. I'm safe to have my doubts and my questions, and even my anger. It's a church for people who don't like church. It's a place for me to come and be part of the corporate church and it's ok that I'm messy because so is everyone else. I know there are churches like that all over, but you just know when you are home, right?
Anyway, wow, do I get off topic quickly. The sermon was about how faith in Jesus often requires us to violently pursue him. It can be messy. It sure doesn't always look normal. It may require shoving and pushing, especially pushing over religious hypocrites who are blocking the way. It may look ridiculous to others. But, for those who know how much they need Him, they don't care. It's everything.
The sermon literally made me want to sell my house, move into the city, get dreadlocks, love a whole bunch of crazy people, and worship Jesus with my friends. Again, if you know me, you may have heard all of these things before. Maybe it's because God is actually going to do that with my family. We'll see.
After church we went out to eat where we were fortunate enough to sit next to a table with 2 men and a women who were discussing churchy things. After about 3 minutes I felt the need to become violent. I won't go into great detail of their conversation, but lets just say it was ENTIRELY (I'm talking a good 30 minutes long) about how young girls should dress at their Baptist kids camp. Not about loving them. Not about helping their hurting families. Not about meeting their needs. About dress codes. About obsessively controlling an trying to decide how much skin is appropriate. Right down to measurements. Rules. Obsessive legalism at it's finest. Yes, of course it's appropriate to have boundaries! But, this is how I grew up in church and in private school. Rules about length of skirts. Rules about contact with boys. Rules that were so obsessive they actually created more awareness, not less!
I wanted to scream "YOUR STANDING IN MY WAY!!! I'm trying so hard to get to Jesus and you are in my stinking way!" But I was out to lunch in a restaurant with my family. I'd look crazy. It would have been violent. Maybe that's good. Maybe not. I'm aware that I got more angry than necessary because of my own triggers; it wasn't all them. Perhaps they do love the kids that go to their camp. I just pray those kids can hear the message of love and acceptance over the loud rules.

Pass the denim jumper please

2008-06-10T23:12:00.001-05:00

I was driving in my car listening to WHO the other day and the topic happened to be about homeschooling, which is of particular interest to me these days. The two men were discussing education and how it's changed over the last 150 years. They said that 150 years ago, education in the home was just as much a part of life as doing the laundry, cooking dinner, and changing diapers. It wasn't questioned...it just was. I can't go into everything they talked about but, suffice it to say that kids 150 years ago were WAY smarter, WAY less likely to rebel, and WAY more family-oriented than kids in this era. (Matt sees the ill effects of this on a daily basis working with college kids who cannot write in complete sentences).
Now, I certainly can't blame the public school system for all of this, and neither were the men discussing it. But, they said, there has been a dramatic change in the mentality of parents. What was once an understood part of the parenting role has now been completely dismissed as the school's job! We as parents have decided it's not our responsibility to teach our own kids...let the teachers do it! And then we get mad at them when they are unable to effectively teach 30 kids to our standards...interesting, huh? Now, my education is in early childhood development. I know very well what kind of hard work goes into lesson planning and teaching small children. I also know very well how much one unruly child can interfere with the learning of the rest of the bunch. I am very aware of the fact that the teacher isn't the biggest influence in every child's life...the other children are, by sheer numbers! It seems the public school system was initially set up to SUPPLEMENT learning, not take it over!
The stereotype I have of homeschooling families isn't pretty...but you know exactly what I'm talking about. Women who homeschool must have really long hair, grind their own wheat, and wear denim jumpers, right? I never thought I'd be in this category of women, but here I am, TOTALLY interested in grinding my own wheat and homeschooling my kids! :) To my surprise I know LOTS of very cool, very social, dare I say, even stylish homeschooling families! The old stereotype just doesn't hold true anymore. We've actually been pretty sure we were going to homeschool Eliot for the last couple years, but here we are and kindergarten is just around the corner! It's here...and the adventure begins. A dear friend and I went to pick a cool homeschooling mom's brain about the ins and outs and she encouraged us to make a list of reasons why we want to homeschool so that when things get tough or we are tempted to quit or if we just need tangible excuses to give to our concerned, well-meaning friends and family we'd have it at our fingertips. By the way, I must say this with all sincerity: I am in NO way judging my friends who've chosen to send their kids to public school. I know so many of my friends that feel called to do that and sincerely respect that decision. I am also willing, at any time to make a different decision for my family as we see fit. But, what I know for sure is that if we decide to send our kids to any school, I will do it with the mentality of supplementation, not substitution.
Anyway, I thought I'd make that list here, although some are totally taken from the lady's list because they said perfectly how we feel. I will probably come back and edit/change this list many times, but here's my initial thoughts:
We have chosen to homeschool because:
1. We feel called by God to do it.
2. We want to really KNOW our kids, their gifts, their struggles and their personalities, which would be more difficult (though not at all impossible to do if they were gone from us all day).
3. We feel it is in the best interest of our kids, at least at this very young and tender age, for the main influence in their lives to be their parents, not their peers.
4. We believe that we can teach our children according to their own style of learning rather than what will be easiest in a large group setting.
5. We want to eliminate the mentality that education is sitting behind a desk, filing in a single row line, waiting for a bell to ring to signal moving to the next subject, passing papers to the front of the room, etc. Rather, we want to impart on them a love for a life-long adventurous learning that can consume as much or little time as needed depending on the day...with no homework at the end of the day. (What is up with that anyway? We send our kids away for 7 hours a day and they still don't get it all done? The average homeschooling family does "school" for just 3-4 hours a day or less (for upper elementary and above) and they have the rest of the day to be a kid and a part of a family...and STILL do better in grades, etc.)
6. Childhood is for but a brief time and we want to have as much time to teach them as possible about the Word of God and how it plays out in the day to day events of life.
7. Ultimately it is our responsibility to raise our children the best way we know how, understanding fully that we will give an account of how we raised up these arrows entrusted to us.
8. We desire to be a protest of beauty to this fast-paced, activity-oriented disconnected society we are in.
9. We just plain and simple love the idea! I know that we will have our days that are so exhausting and I know I'm giving up the coveted "last child off to school" days to actually get housework and shopping done, but I believe so strongly that we will see the benefits and rewards that will far outweigh our sacrifice.

My new baby

2008-06-08T23:01:00.003-05:00

Click here to see the newest member of my family. The best part is I bought it from a friend for $15!!! YIPEE!!!

Clean Your Plate-Beyond Organic

2008-06-08T15:19:00.005-05:00

Have you noticed that everyone is jumping on the organic bandwagon? Kraft, for goodness sakes...seriously? Kraft is making organic mac n' cheese. Doesn't it just scream hype and money-hungry, bandwagon-jumping, mega company just trying to get in on the latest fad? Organic is better, but it's still white flour pasta and processed cheese. How good could that be? So, I thought I'd talk about what I feel is really important when it comes to organic foods and when to think "beyond organic".
The word, "organic" as defined by Word Net (from Princeton University) means "of or relating to foodstuff grown or raised without synthetic fertilizers or pesticides or hormones..."
This is important because there really are very few foods we can get in the regular aisles of the grocery store that aren't, in some way, chemically-laden. So, fruits and veggies are important to get organic if you can because they don't have those all over them. BUT, since we can't all afford that, we can make or buy veggie spray that cleans the pesticides and chemicals off the produce. If you'd like a list of the "DIRTY DOZEN" click here. There are some produce crops that are sprayed more than others so we'd like to always avoid the most heavily sprayed.
What I do during the summer is go through a CSA (community supported agriculture). This is where a local organic farmer sells shares to the consumers for a fee. We get large boxes of produce weekly! It's amazing. You can learn more about that here. Although it's probably too late in the season to purchase a CSA, you can go to the farmers markets, too! What a wonderful way to support our local farmers and eat fresh, clean fruits and veggies! I actually work for my share so every week I go to the farm and help out for 3 hours and bring home 5-15 pounds of fresh produce! Yeah!
Produce, however, is the easy part. What about breads and processed foods and dairy and meats? That's a bit more complicated. Is organic bread really better than regular bread? Is organic beef really better than regular beef?
So, I don't have time to go into everything you could possibly get organic and discuss whether or not it's just good marketing or a good choice. But here are the principles and questions I ask every time I make purchases.
In regards to animal products like milk, cheese, meats, eggs, etc. I tend to go BEYOND ORGANIC to GRASSFED. You can read all over the place why grassfed is so much better, so I'll just touch on it a bit. Organic may just mean that the cows are eating organic corn or soy or grains. It doesn't mean that the cow is healthier or that what you are ingesting is actually healthier. Major companies like kraft or others that now slap "organic" on their labels are hardly dedicated to making a higher quality product or a safer product for the consumer. They just want the money. And, we all know that organic food costs up to 200 times more than non-organic food. So, I don't just go to the store and buy organic everything. I like to buy locally as much as possible. I talk to farmers about what their animals are eating. Do they eat corn and soy, which in my opinion, aren't healthy for the animals or for us. Do they walk outside or are they penned up inside? Some organic farms (the big ones with names you'd recognize) feed their animals organic food, but they haven't ever seen the light of day. They may have literally thousands of chickens in one small coop covered in feces. And they aren't walking outside feeding on grass the way they were created to, which makes them healthier, which in turn happens to be WAY healthier for us when we eat them. This is not only true of chickens and their eggs, but also beef and milk. I want to support a local farmer who treats their animals well, feeds them on grass (and possibly some organic grains). This not only contributes to my family's health, but also to our local economy and is often much cheaper than paying for organic eggs and meat at the store.
As far as processed foods, sure you can buy what I call "health food junk food" and it's a LITTLE better for you. But, believe me when I say that organic cookies are still cookies. Organic chips are still chips. When we splurge for a special treat, we might buy a package like that, but usually we make it ourselves. We just made Mango Sorbet last week. Ingredients: Mangos, lemon juice, and a smidge of REAL maple syrup (straight from my farmer's trees). It probably cost me $5 and fed my family of 5 dessert for days. Make it yourself! You control the ingredients, you control the quality and something amazing happens when you start digging your hands into what you are feeding your family (hopefully your hands are very clean!) :) You will save money, yes, but you will have a sense of gratitude for where your food comes from, the farmers that work so hard to get it to you, a God that created land, animals and humans to work as a healthy unit, and the peace in knowing your family isn't just eating, they are being nourished.
So, yes sometimes buying local, grassfed or organic products and making things from scratch is more time consuming, but if it's actual health you are after, than this is vitally important. Do what you can...if you can't do it all, then at least focus on getting grassfed and organic wherever possible. Make things from scratch when you can. Learn as you go, and as always, I'm happy to help wherever I can.
Happy eating!

Back in the saddle again

2008-06-08T15:06:00.004-05:00

...almost. My house is destroyed, I'm exhausted, but I'm quite a few hundred dollars richer today than I was Friday! YEAH! It was worth all the hard work of putting on a HUGE garage sale...I don't think I got more than 4 hours of sleep per night all week. We will hopefully be able to put down a large sum, and with Matt's extra sales this month, maybe even pay off one of the credit cards! Wow...that feels so amazing. We've been saving and scrimping for the last few months and it finally feels worth it. We're seeing our debt dwindle quicker than we thought and the hope of a debt-free life is close enough to smell!
On to more interesting topics. I have so many things I've been wanting to write about. First of all I have my next installment of the Clean Your Plate series (someone just HAS to teach me how to categorize these things) on BEYOND ORGANICS. Coming very soon (like maybe even later today).
I also want to post on these topics:
Homeschooling
Home birthing
and getting back to a simpler life/compact mama.
I have so many thoughts but I think I need a nap first!

May

2008-05-30T23:03:00.003-05:00

I've only had two posts this month and I feel the need to explain why. May is CRAZY. We have 3 birthdays and mother's day (which we celebrate with both sides). We've also been doing a dairy elimination diet for Eliot in hopes that it will clear his eczema (more on that in another post) and this requires more time in the kitchen. I'm also having a garage sale next weekend, so preparing for that has been overwhelming. It probably doesn't need to be, but I've gone through every closet, box, nook, and crany to get rid of "stuffitis". The promise of a simpler life is intoxicating. I could have a whole post on how much I love to get rid of stuff! Anyway, I'm still here. Just super busy. I have so many great posts on food that will be coming in the near future. Stay tuned. June promises to be full of great communication!

Eli Jelly Belly

2008-05-19T22:45:00.004-05:00

My life was changed forever May 22, 2002. I will never forget what it felt like to hold my firstborn son in my arms for the first time. Eliot came into our lives and turned everything upside down. What an honor it has been to be Eliot's mommy. He's just an amazing human being. His heart for others is humbling. His love of learning is astounding. His passion for spirituality is convicting. He is tender and kind and loving to his family (most of the time...sibling rivalry does rear its ugly head on occasion). He is a blessing to everyone in his life. He somehow knows when you need a hug and offers it immediately. He never holds back in telling you how much he loves you and that has often made my day.When I think on the last 6 years with him, I feel such mixed emotions. I feel a lump in my throat when I think of how much I miss because of "life". I often get so busy and distracted during the days, I sometimes forget to just sit and be with him, hear about his day, uncover his thoughts and really KNOW him. And, yet, he often fills me in without my asking! He's growing up so incredibly fast. I can sense a shift, too, in his maturity. Little things. Like when he gets hurt instead of crying and rushing over to me, he wants to handle it himself. For example, a few weeks ago he and Emerson were running in the living room and jumping onto a pile of pillows that were near the coffee table...too near the coffee table. He smacked the side of his head on his ear really hard! I heard it happen and prepared myself to save the day with kisses, but instead Eliot immediately yelled with his chin quivering, "Emerson STOP...don't run over here, you might smack your ear on the table like I did!" He then plopped himself on the couch and tried really hard not to cry. Now, I saw his ear and it was bright red...I know that had to hurt. I went over and tried to comfort him, but he didn't want me . He said, "I'll be fine, Mom...just leave me alone"--again, chin quivering. Sigh. My boy is growing up. He doesn't cry for me or ask me to hold him or take care of every hurt. I guess this is just part of growing up. But, I want him to need me still...I'm not quite ready to let that part of my parenting him go. And, yet I'm so excited for his future and for each new year we have to experience him. I love looking back at pictures of him. Of course, I didn't have a digital camera until he was 3, so I don't have earlier pics readily available. Here are a few...
Eliot, you are an indescribable joy to Mommy and Daddy. You are growing up to be such a beautiful person. We love you so much. Happy Birthday!

Abraham

2008-05-04T14:16:00.004-05:00

So this post is entirely about my baby, Abraham. Poor guy doesn't get enough attention (hee hee). It's his birthday this week, so I thought I'd take some time to emote a little. Before I go on and on about what a true joy he has been, let me give you an overview of the last week we have had.
Abraham started to get a mild cold on Monday or Tuesday of last week. Not surprising since we've all been passing stuff around. Tuesday a friend was over for lunch and asked if she could feed him some peanut butter sandwich. I said sure since he's tasted it a few times before and had no problems. Right after he ate, his cheeks looked like someone slapped him across both sides of his face, and they were bumpy...pimpley almost. My friend, Beth, said "oh no! Is he allergic to peanuts?" I said that I didn't think so, and that the red cheeks were probably part of his cold. Anyway, by that night Abraham was struggling to take good breaths and we were up much of the night. He wasn't too bad during the day on Wednesday, but definitely not feeling well. Fortunately we already had his well-baby visit that afternoon. The doctor found that, in addition to him only being in the 3rd percentile in height and weight for his age, he just had a bad cold and nothing seemed to be too concerning. However, things took a major turn for the worse and as I walked him up and down our street at 3:30am so he could breathe cold moist air per nurse instructions, I found myself praying that God would keep him alive and that He'd fill in where I wasn't sure what to do. Abraham was seriously struggling to breathe. He couldn't nurse, he couldn't sleep, he hadn't eaten much that day before at all. He was in distress. Each breath sounded like he was sucking air. I kept calling the on-call nurse who seemed to think that he didn't need to come in yet because his lips weren't blue! As if I wanted to wait until it got to that point! Anyway, needless to say we didn't sleep that night at all and I was a nervous wreck. As soon as 8am hit, I was on the phone trying to get in to the pediatrician's office. But, they couldn't see me until 10:30. However, by 9:45 I was in the car on my way because I just couldn't wait another minute. My instincts kicked in and I was getting this kid some help. FINALLY! You'd think I would have gone in by now?
They got him in and immediately told me that he was breathing 3 times faster than he should and that he wasn't getting near enough oxygen. The doctor said this would have been a major emergency if I had waited too much longer. They gave him 2 breathing treatments right there, with a prescription for enough to do them every 4-6 hours for a week, steroids, and and antibiotics. They said it was probably all just a cold gone really bad, which happens for babies sometimes.
Things are finally under control, and he was feeling so much better even by that afternoon. It was, though, one of the most stressful, emotional moments of motherhood thus far. Now, looking back I wonder if it could have been the peanut butter, so I'm going to have them test for that, but chances are it was a cold that settled in the lungs. Poor baby had no energy left...it was used up just trying to breathe for those 2 days.
Ok, talk about gratitude. I was reading an article that said that when we feel TRULY thankful and blessed, we change physically! Reminds me of the verse, "...a merry heart does good like medicine". I feel so thankful for my baby. Not just in a normal, I-love-him-so-much kind of thankful, but in a oh-God-thank-you-for-my-precious-baby way.
Abraham has been the most incredible medicine to my spirit this first year of his life. His joy and tenderness have me completely in love. I love his smile, I love his laugh, I love the way he tremors with excitement when he sees his brothers for the first time in the morning. I love the way he laugh-cries with his arms stretched out when he sees me walk by. I love how he shakes his head and claps and signs for "more". I love how he falls asleep humming. I love how he uses my face instead of his blanket to snuggle while sucking his thumb. I love that he sucks his thumb. I love the way he crawls across the house when he knows I'm trying to cook dinner or do the dishes and pulls on my pants until I pick him up. I love how he climbs on everything and sneaks over to the stairs 100 times a day to climb that mountain. I love that he crawls under the table and eats what his brothers have dubbed "junk food" (i.e. the food I haven't cleaned up from the last meal yet). I love how when we give him his breathing treatments and he cries, his brothers run over to soothe and sing to him. I love that he's everyone's baby, including our neighbors (the fan club). I love him.
I love you Abraham. Happy first birthday. I have so much gratitude in my heart for you!

Enjoy the pics from his birthday party! :)

No rest for the weary

2008-04-30T08:45:00.003-05:00

I was on the phone with one of my bff's last night, Sarah Davis (aka Davis), and we were having our weekly (if not more) phone date. We seem to always go through similar things and that has just been a huge blessing to both of us. So I was telling her about a struggle I've been having regarding my spiritual gifts and being content with this season of my life. I have been taking a class at our church on spiritual gifts that has been amazing. We didn't just take a short test to see what gift we have, but we actually spent 4 nights total discussing what the Bible says about these gifts, how they are defined, how they are to be used, etc. In fact, we weren't even allowed to take the test until we had done these things first:

Pray and ask God to reveal to us what our gifts were
Take inventory of our lives, what we seemed to be drawn to
Ask a couple close friends/family member to tell you what he/she thinks is our gift

THEN we took the test and it was to be confirmation, not a big shock...which was true in my case. However, even though I wasn't surprised at my gifts I felt strangely depressed about them. I saw myself in all the negative aspects of each gift...you know, the part where they explain how NOT to use the gift or how the immature person handles the gift! I felt like I wouldn't be able to use my gifts until I "grow up". Which just makes me mad and discontent.Which means, then, that I am not resting in THIS season I'm in now. And, what was the last post I had on rest? Didn't I say I was working on resting? Apparently God has a theme going on in my life...I had no idea that the issue went this deep.

Anyway, talking with Davis is such a blessing and she pointed out that I am, indeed, using my gifts daily and that I'm not ONLY the negative aspects of each one. We all have to mature and grow right? I guess I'm not at the pinnacle of my maturity at ripe old age of 29. Sigh.

Haircuts

2008-04-25T10:44:00.005-05:00

So, we're trying to stop spending money in every area possible, so naturally I decided to cut my own children's hair! Ha! I think Eliot looks so cute, and Emerson does too, but I miss his long locks...we just might have to grow his out again! I'm not sure how much it saves us since we have to go get new clippers. The ones we have are 8 years old and as crappy as it gets...they just kept dying out while I was cutting their hair! Wasn't helpful in the "REST" mindset for me! It was all I could do to not throw the things across the room! :) So, if anyone wants to get rid of hair clippers that actually work well, I'd rather buy them used than new!

Rest

2008-04-22T21:24:00.005-05:00

Thank God, the weather has been beautiful and the kids have been able to play outside a TON! Emerson is feeling much better after a couple days of being pretty punky, so things are looking up! So, things have been amazing and my friends kids are just the sweetest things. They play with my kids so nicely and we haven't had any major bumps in the road. Until today. Emerson was sick again yesterday, which meant I basically held him all afternoon. In just that short amount of time, I fell way behind in dishes, cleaning, and laundry. So, this morning, I was trying to catch up and I found myself freaking out. I was upset and distraught and angry and easily irritated. Pleasant, huh? It's just laundry and dishes and toys...what's the big deal? Who cares if it isn't done? I was present to my sick boy and that's more important, right? Then why is it that when things get out of place or piled up, I lose it? I mean, I literally lose it. Like I even have trouble breathing! Isn't that ridiculous? I have control issues. I have a false sense that if everything LOOKS good, it IS good. I can only physically relax when things around me are in order...which, unfortunately means that I can't physically relax very often! Things are never in order here because I'm not a very organized person, naturally. Unfortunate mix of personality huh? Unorganized, but OCD about being organized!
Anyway, I met with a small group of women last night...most of us in different life circumstances/phases. And, I was challenged by the wisdom one shared in asking us what we needed to REST in God about? Rest? Me? I don't know what that even means or what it would look like! If I rest, it's only if my house is spotless or if I'm sick...neither one happen often. Or, on the rare occasion that I do, I feel depressed and guilty for not being productive. Anyway, I can think of a hundred things I need to rest about specifically, but, I am going to try to learn to just REST IN RESTING. Not sure how, yet.
Here are some thoughts that come to mind:

"They that WAIT upon the Lord will rise up with wings like eagles...they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

"Be STILL and know that I am God" Can't remember the reference, but I wrote a song about it many many years ago, it comes up often in my head.

SHUT UP AND SIT STILL- Mother's everywhere.

And here are my reasons for wanting to learn this virtue:

I want to hear from God and be his hands and feet to those around me. How can I hear him if I'm too busy to sit still and listen?
I want to KNOW my kids. I want to have time to pay attention to their interests and their fears and their passions.
I want to know what it feels like to be at total peace. I think that must go hand-in-hand with resting.

So, my challenge is to learn to be still and rest even when my circumstances are chaotic, even when I'm behind in my tasks, even if I never learn to be organized. Because I'm not truly living a life that is significant if I'm just busy being busy.

blah

2008-04-19T19:33:00.002-05:00

not to complain, but...Emerson is sick and it's going to rain pretty much every day that I have the 5 kids. That's all I have to say.

All My Children

2008-04-18T13:16:00.005-05:00

This week I am babysitting my dear friend's kids, Monroe (girl, 4) and Owen (boy, 3) and I'll have her oldest for the weekend-Aurora (6), who will mostly be at a neighbor's house near her school. My friend is out of town for 7-10 days and her husband is serving in Afghanistan until May. So, I have the honor (and it really is an honor) to take care of her kids while she is gone. But, needless to say, there probably won't be much time to blog for the next week or so! :) For example...let me tell you what I've done already today:
7am: sent awake kids downstairs with Matt for breakfast and I went back to bed! Eliot is sleeping in our room while the kids are staying in his room. He woke up at 4:45 itching his eczema and was awake (and kept me up) for an hour! Not to mention I was up twice with Abraham as well...so I slept in until about 8:20 or so.
9am: after showering and getting ready, I collected all the laundry to start a load. Seven people make enough laundry to do about 1-2 loads a day minimum...I'm now on my second load. I cleaned up breakfast and started dishes (again, probably 2 loads a day at least).
9:30: I ate breakfast standing up while serving everyone a snack.
9:45: We all went upstairs to make beds and get dressed.
10-10:30 Kids played in bedrooms and I had to stay and monitor...since they are all in the same 2-5 age range (besides Abraham, of course) it's not a good idea to leave unattended, so I have learned. Unless you enjoy the sounds of screaming and crying and tattling about who hit who.
10:30-11:15 Kids cleaned up mess and went to basement to play. I went too.
11:15-11:30 Put on the t.v. so I could make lunch.
11:30-12:15 Lunch. Yes, you saw that correctly...the kids ate for 45 minutes! I made a gourmet lunch of PBJ's, apple slices, peas, orange juice, and for dessert a piece of cake my parents sent over last night. This cake is a thorn in my side...thanks a lot Mom! :) I also cleaned the kitchen and ate a bowl of ham and bean soup (again, standing up) while they were eating.
12:15-12:45 We all went back to the basement to clean up the ridiculous mess!
12:4-1:15pm Begin naptime routine! Diaper and nurse Abe, put to bed. Diaper Emerson and put to bed. Potty Owen and put to bed.
1:15 Throw in another load of laundry.
1:20 BLOG about my crazy day. The good news is, with all the kids, it's sort of mandatory to keep things clean and kept-up...or it'll bury me alive! :) So, now I'm going to get my current book (Greg Boyd's, Letters from a Skeptic) and try to finish it! (By the way, I realize I should have underlined the title of that book, but I don't' see an underlining icon.)
1:30 Start a movie for Eliot and Monroe and sit down!!!!!!
I hope you have a wonderful day!

Clean Your Plate-Step 2, Good Fats/Bad Fats

2008-04-13T14:09:00.007-05:00

So are you ready for step 2? I think I'll talk about fat today. It's a fat day! :)

So, conventional wisdom says, low-fat or non-fat is the way to go...but I'm here to tell you that's crazy. Because I'm interested in eating Traditional Foods, foods our ancestors were eating, I will share what I've learned from this philosophy. As always, do your own research. But, one question to ask yourself is "what do they have to gain?" I prefer to get my information from independent sources that have nothing to gain from the findings in their research. This is why I love the Weston A. Price foundation so much. I love Dr. Mercola and Jordan Rubin too, but they do sell their own products, so I usually take their opinions with a grain of salt...though most of the time they say exactly what WAP does. Anyway, Weston Price was a dentist way back in the 30's.

"He was the first modern researcher to take a careful look at health and eating habits of isolated traditional societies..During the 30's he traveled the world over to observe population groups untouched by civilization, living entirely on local foods. While the diets of these peoples differed in many particulars, they contained several factors in common. Almost without exception, the groups he studied ate liberally of seafood or other animal proteins and fats in the form of organ meats and dairy products; they valued animal fats as absolutely necessary to good health; and they ate fats, meats, fruits, vegetables, legumes, nuts, seeds, and whole grains in their whole unrefined state...Dr. Price found 14 groups...in which almost every member of the tribe or village enjoyed superb health. They were free of chronic disease, dental decay, an mental illness; they were strong, sturdy, and attractive; and they produced healthy children with ease, generation after generation. "
(taken from Nourishing Traditions, Sally Fallon, 2001)

Ok, if I haven't already lost you or offended you, let me be clear: I do not claim to know everything about nutrition. I have read up and studied many different philosophies, but this one makes the most sense to me. To me it is interesting that our society can hardly be considered free of chronic disease, dental decay and mental illness. In fact, all of the above are a normal part of our every day lives. Dental decay is a given...rarely do we know of anyone without any dental issues at all. But, whose life in this country hasn't been effected by chronic disease or mental illness...if not us personally, than surely someone we know. WOW. Ok, moving on to producing healthy children with ease generation after generation. Hmmm...I don't think I even need to expound on that one (but, of course, I will). The kids in this country are SICK! We have allergies, athsma, and autism are at all-time highs! And, that's just the A's! Ok, points made. No one wants their kids to be sick and most of the time we are passing down sickness to them without even realizing it.
So, on to our topic: FATS. There is so much background info on saturation (unsaturated vs. saturated, polyunsaturated, monounsaturated) and long-chain vs. short chain, and cholesterol and hydrogenation and homogenization, etc, etc. And I barely understand it all myself so I'm not going to bore you with all that. I think I'll just list off some really good fats to be using and what to stop using, if you want to, of course. :) And, you can call or e-mail ANYTIME with questions and I'm more than happy to look it up and find an answer for you if I can.
In line with a whole foods, traditional approach, we would not go for the margarines, or processed fats, for sure.
Here are the fats we consume:

coconut oil (NOT expeller-pressed, but fermented or cold pressed) I use this wherever I'd see canola oil or butter or margarine. When heated, this saturated fat turns to liquid, so it's great in recipes like pancakes, muffins, or to saute' with. It's also wonderful to use instead of butter on bread! We use it as skin moisturizer, too! It's amazing! SO SO good for you for so many reasons. Not the least of which is that it contains lauric acid, also found in large amounts in breast milk. It has strong antifungal and antimicrobial properties. Actually, I'm giving it by the spoonful to the kids because it will help them this summer not to get sun burned because of what it does when inside the body. Health food stores always have it! Some great brands are Garden of Life, Barleans, but I love wildernessfamilynaturals.com because it's' high quality and much cheaper if ordered in bulk. I would be more than happy to split orders with local people to get the discount, so let me know if you are interested.

butter and animal fats (the real stuff...preferably from grassfed cows, for sure!) I will be making my own butter from real cream from grassfed cows this May. This is also AMAZING for you as well.

olive oil is wonderful for salad dressings, but not so great if you heat it up. I guess it looses the nutritive value, and can even contribute to weight gain if used too much! But, still much better than other oils!

flax oil- again, in small amounts raw-not heated!

sesame oil, peanut oil in moderation...and it's ok to saute' or fry with!

Ok, the list of fats to avoid:
safflower, corn, canola,sunflower, soybean, and cottonseed: These oils EASILY become rancid, and are NEVER good to be consumed after heating. If you do use these, it's better to find cold-pressed because that means it hasn't been heated at all, but this is hard to find. Canola, especially is not good because "during the deodorizing process, the omega-3 fatty acids of processed canola oil are transformed into trans fatty acids, similar to those in margarine, and possibly more dangerous."

It's important to remember that most people, especially children and infants, could benefit from MORE fat, not less, in their diets. We always use whole milk dairy for milk, yogurt, and cheeses! Eggs are also a high-quality source of fat! Don't worry about the yolk...and don't use egg-beaters for heaven's sake! (I'm not talking to those with allergies of course!)
Fat is found in every cell of our bodies (if I'm remembering this info correctly) and we NEED it to survive and be thriving physically and mentally. Good quality fats are essential in great amounts!
(fyi-If you are worried about gaining weight, I have to say that since I've switched all our fats to these good, highly saturated, healthy fats, I have lost close to 15 pounds! There is a great book out there called Eat Fat to Lose Fat...it explains in better detail why this is true).

Kid Stories and pics

2008-04-10T19:22:00.005-05:00

So, I'm a mom...I have to talk about my kids...I can't help it. There's something in us that just HAS to share with others stories about our little ones and we REALLY believe other people care! :) So, humor me here.
A couple nights ago, after Matt came home late from teaching, Eliot called Matt upstairs to give him hugs and kisses. It was late so Matt asked why he was still awake. Eliot said, "Well, first I laid this way, then I laid that way and I just couldn't fall asleep. So, I asked God, 'God, do you want me to fall asleep or stay awake all night? Either way is fine, just let me know.' I'm still awake so I think he wants me to stay up all night."

Emerson's been pretty funny lately as well. Definitely his pronunciations are hilarious, but even some of our conversations have been really funny as well. I've been making homemade granola recipes (thank you Beth and Tonya, and sorry Davis for not giving you credit the other day for finding that website!). I think the way Emerson says granola is so funny: Tumlola.
"Mommy, please I have tumlola?" CUTE CUTE CUTE!

Tonight Emerson went on and on about Jesus. Not in a reverent or respectful way, though. More in a, "Jesus, you get back in your crib right now or I'm going to spank you" way! He was pretending Jesus was this invisible little baby on the couch. One minute he was patting him saying, "Good night Jesus", the next minute he was biting the couch saying, "I'm gonna bite you Jesus!" While that may seem funny, this went on for what seemed like forever...but probably at least 10 minutes! Matt was having a hard time swallowing his dinner he was laughing so hard!

Abraham's stories aren't quite as funny to tell, but he still makes me laugh! He's playing games of shaking his head and laughing and squealing. He's so happy almost all the time, it's hard not to smile at the little booger!

Tumlola Recipe
3 Cups Oats (I use a 9 grain mix with millet, flax, buckwheat, etc.)
1+ Cup chopped nuts (I used almonds, sunflower seeds, pecans, pumpkin seeds...whatever you have on hand)
Handful shredded UNSWEETENED coconut
1/2 cup raw honey
1/2 cup or so coconut oil, melted (you can use olive, but coconut is SO good for you and tasty!)
1-2 tablespoons Pumpkin pie seasoning (or mixture of cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, etc.) Or whatever seasoning you like...mix it up, make it spicy, add cayenne!
Few handfuls of dried fruit/raisins

Mix it all up and eat it! OR if you like it crunchy, bake at 175 for 3 hours! Yummy Tumlola!
Can you tell this is a very flexible recipe? Just put in what you have and it'll be tasty!

Clean Your Plate-Step 1, con'd

2008-04-08T14:43:00.005-05:00

I forgot to put one more great list for weeding out high fructose corn syrup and MSG as well as some other ingredients I will get into later. My friend, Jule, at Be The Butterfly posted a great page on food label literacy. Go to www.btbutterfly.com and click on "Food Label Literacy" for more great info!

God's hand

2008-04-06T13:06:00.004-05:00

I was tucking Eliot into bed last night and he asked me lots of questions about God. This is not unusual for him as he's very intrigued and curious about spiritual things. Anyway, he asked about hell, what it is, where it is...which I really haven't wanted to get into with him at this point. I don't believe in scaring children into loving Jesus! So answered simply and tried to change the subject. Then Eliot asked about heaven...something I was a little more comfortable with, and we talked about that for a while. Then he asked if we would get to see God when we got to heaven. I told him I wasn't sure how we'd experience God. I told him we'd see Jesus, but that I think God is a Spirit and that His presence would be really strong in heaven...more than we can feel Him here. Well, Eliot sat up and said, "Yeah, like that time I was so sick and I was lying on the couch and I felt God's hand on my back?" I'm sure my jaw dropped. I said, "hmmm...I don't remember that. Tell me what you mean." He said, "You know, when I was so sick and I was watching tv and I had to pause it because someone touched my back but when I turned around no one was there. I know it was God because I started to feel better." Eliot has been sick quite a bit this winter and I'm assuming he's talking about a recent illness. Later, he told Matt that he had prayed to get better and God came down and touched him. But he was sad because he was still sick for a few more days. Matt told him that God still healed him even though he didn't see it all go away immediately. He said, "Maybe God was touching you to tell you how much he loved you and how he was going to make you all better." Eliot agreed this was true.
I am so touched that Eliot's had a spiritual experience. I marvel that he didn't even see it as out of the ordinary or something to be amazed at...this was normal. I chuckle at how we as adults have such a hard time believing or trusting our own spiritual experiences. I believe God did touch his body that day and I pray my son will never forget that! The God who created the universe in all it's extensive glory, wants to come and heal little ol' us...spiritually first, and sometimes physically as well. May God open my eyes to see when He's intervening in my own life!

Clean Your Plate-Step 1 (MSG and HFCS)

2008-04-05T20:58:00.005-06:00

Quite a few of my friends have asked me recently for help in taking baby steps to a healthier diet. While I don't in any way claim to be an expert, I do love learning about all this stuff, so I thought it'd be fun to blog about my process and maybe even give you a starting point if you have any desire to do the same. I've had a couple friends come over to get ideas, look in our cabinets, etc, but it seems too confusing and overwhelming to me. I can't organize my thoughts about all the changes we've made over the last year or two into a 2 hour period. But, if I could have had someone helping me along with just one step every week or two, that would have saved me so much in time, in emotional energy, in panic..."What am I going to feed my kids???" So, if you have no interest in changing your lifestyle or curiosity in how we've changed ours, then by all means, skip this series of blogs! For the rest of you, I plan on starting a new section called, "Clean your plate" inspired by a blog I found! I may also do a series on cleaning the immediate environment you live in. But, one thing at a time.
Before I begin, I need to give an overview of my personal beliefs about nutrition and why it's important to care. I have found that I gravitate towards Jordan Rubin, the Weston A. Price Foundation, and the Whole Foods approach. Just because it makes sense! It makes sense that we were created to consume certain things to be truly "healthy" and I don't just mean thin. I mean full of life, purpose, vitality, and strength. I believe we are holistic creatures. By that I mean that when one area of our lives is out of balance, it effects other areas. For example, I believe that when we are emotionally distraught or out of balance, our bodies and our minds suffer. So someone who is truly healthy would actually be in good emotional, spiritual, and physical health. Our bodies were made to crave foods that would nourish us, not make us sick. But, we do not know how to listen to our bodies. I'm only just beginning to experience this myself. But, I truly believe we are in a health crisis in this country. I could go on and on about the prescription drugs, diseases, disabilities and health concerns that are at staggering epidemic levels. Not to mention that most of us (even who seem otherwise healthy) are tired, drained, depressed, etc. I could go on and on about the fact that 1/3 of our children are overweight and will be diagnosed with all manners of disease that were almost non-existent a mere 20 years ago. Did you know that our children are part of the very first generation that are not expected to live to the life expectancy of their parents? What? WHY? Well, I believe a very large part of that has to do with the Standard American Diet (SAD) as well as environmental toxins and probably a host of other things as well. I believe our bodies were actually made to be able to handle toxins unlike our other mammal friends. However, in studying nutrition it seems we have maxed out what our bodies were able to handle a long time ago. It's fascinating to me that most of us just eat whatever sounds good and is easy to make/buy, etc. with no consideration as to what it's doing in our bodies. Or, really that many of us (myself included) who think we are eating healthy are actually not! This brings me to my first step in cleaning our plates!
Step 1: Take out MSG and HFCS
MSG stands for monosodium glutamate and HFCS stands for High Fructose Corn Syrup. I must admit this is easier said than done. These two ingredients are in most processed foods. But, just start reading labels and replacing items in the house one at a time. This one step could really take a while. My mentality was to use what I had, but when I needed to get something at the store, buy it without these ingredients. Most of the time, this means going to the health food store or section at your local grocery (though this isn't always safe, either) or MAKING IT YOURSELF which I know isn't always possible. But, this is my goal...homemade almost everything so I KNOW what's going in our foods. Besides, I'm just paying someone else to process and package my food when I can do it myself, right? Ok, anyway...

MSG is a flavor-enhancing ingredient that we know causes brain damage! I'm not going to go into all the details of these two toxic ingredients right now. But I do encourage you to do the research on your own at www.mercola.com. However, don't just take my word for it...or even Dr. Mercola's. Other websites I like are www.westonaprice.org www.biblicalhealthinstitute.com. Also www.msgmyth.com which tells you all the different names MSG can go by.
If all you do is get rid of this, you have made great strides in protecting your family's health.

Our other ingredient is High Fructose Corn Syrup! This is a great article explaining the dangers of this stuff and why to stay away from it. The good news is that this ingredient is easier to find, as I think it usually says just that: high fructose corn syrup or corn syrup.

Ok, that's enough for me. I'm tired already! If you have questions, please ask. I LOVE this stuff...I have no idea why, but I do! Let me know if you are doing these steps with us! I want to hear your story...and pass this on to others! Here's to your health!

Craig's List

2008-04-01T18:48:00.005-06:00

Ok, so I promised to post pics of what I'm selling on Craig's List here. If you are interested, let me know and I'll let you know what I'm selling them for. The mirror is 14X36 and it's from Pottery Barn. It has 5 hooks for hanging stuff. The picture is by Dechamp and it's called "Nude Descending the Stairs"...it's in a really beautiful frame. It's measurements are 27X40. The last one is a Croscill Comforter Set called Love Story...it comes with the Queen size comforter, 2 pillow shams, and a dust ruffle...it's background is creams and yellows. The flowers are purple, green, white. In the background you can see Italian (I think) writing.

Spring Cleaning Part II

2008-03-29T20:27:00.005-06:00

So, I didn't get it all done, but I got a lot more than I thought I would. I cleaned out the hall closet and our bathroom cabinet. I went through all our clothes (well I'd actually started this one a few days ago), though the piles haven't been divided into garage sale vs. bins downstairs yet. I reinforced almost all our jeans. I baked bread, muffins, and made yogurt instead of veggies (sounded much tastier to me today)! Here's some pics! We love to eat our homemade bread with organic butter and raw honey! YUM! The muffins are Sour Cream Raisin Bran...my kids already ate half of them!
Oh, my word...for some reason it won't let me add pictures. I've never had a problem with this before, but when I click on "add picture" nothing happens! Ahhh! Could it be my dinosaur of a computer? GRRRRR.....Oh, wait, I figured it out but I cannot get it to look good...sorry! :)

Spring Cleaning

2008-03-29T12:29:00.003-06:00

I just got the bug to do some spring cleaning today. So, here's my list...I've already accomplished a couple things...I'll let you know how far down the list I get. Oh, and some of the things don't exactly fall under the category of spring cleaning, but I want to do them today anyway!
1. Bake bread
2. Make muffins (both of these will help feed us for breakfast and lunch for the next few days)
3. Reinforce knees of all our jeans to save $$$ (we all rip through jeans like crazy...I need to be proactive here so I don't have to keep buying new jeans!)
4. Go through clothes for everyone. Put boys' outgrown clothes in bins downstairs. Put our clothes we don't wear or don't fit into garage sale pile.
5. Start folding and pricing garage sale items.
6. Take pictures of all the stuff I want to sell on Craig's list and then PUT them on Craig's list! (I'll post them here, too, in case any of you want to see it!)
7. Ferment vegetables (mainly carrots since that's all I have right now)
8. Clean out hall closets.

Ok, I think that's enough for now...I can think of quite a few more things I'd like to do, but come on! I'll post at the bottom of this post later to let you know what I got done!

Healing Hurts

2008-03-26T20:48:00.001-06:00

So I've been on this spiritual journey that's taken me from hurt to disappointment to anger to rage. I was really hoping not to have to stay there long, but it's been almost three years. The unfortunate thing is that it's affected my entire life. My parenting, my relationships with friends and family, certainly my marriage. It's been a dry desert. Most conversations I've had about God have left me feeling annoyed, even nauseated. You could sum up my feelings by reading Habakkuk 1:1-4 "How long, Oh Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out "violence" but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong? Destruction and violence are before me, there is strife and conflict abounds. Therefore, the law is paralyzed and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous so that justice is perverted."
I'm thankful for books in the Bible like Habakkuk where God clearly allows questioning and even engages in conversation with His people when they doubted Him. The entire book is a dialog between God and Habakkuk. He exudes patience and love to his complaining servant.
Anyway, so here I am, three years into this drought, and I'm beginning to see grass grow again. My faith is different, my perspective fresh, and my heart hopeful. It feels so good to choose life again. I'm humbled by my friends and my husband who've stood by me, encouraged me and prayed for me over the years. I'm no spiritual giant or anything, but I think I've crawled out from under the rock and my eyes are adjusting to the light.

HAPPY EASTER

2008-03-23T14:11:00.003-06:00

Happy Easter from our family to yours! May you be reminded this day of the greatest gift the human race has ever received! Atonement, Freedom, and GRACE!

Change

2008-03-22T21:43:00.003-06:00

Spring is finally here so what better time to reacquaint myself with blogging? And, what better post to start with than to talk about all the change going on over here at our crazy house? For starters, I finally moved the computer out of Abraham's room and into our room. Not the best place, but at least I can actually use it now without waking him up!
There is so much I've been working through and on over the last few months and I keep thinking...I should blog about this and then of course never get around to it. I feel in so many ways that this Spring carries with it so much freedom for me and for my family. It's been sort of an upheaval around here.
First of all, we have been changing our diets drastically over the last year or so but especially over the last few months. The inspiration comes from many sources, but in case you are actually interested, we are following the theories of the Weston A. Price foundation as well as Jordin Rubin's ideas from The Maker's Diet and The Great Physician's Rx. Both are based on the idea that we should be eating food that is closest to it's original form...how God created it. In other words, Whole Foods. So, we've pretty much eliminated processed foods. The processed foods we do have we make sure that certain ingredients like MSG and high fructose corn syrup aren't in them...which is easier said than done! But, we are feeling great! We've also added things into our diets that will help to heal our digestive systems like probiotic foods and fermented foods. We're learning about how the foods we eat truly can help or harm our bodies even if you don't see immediate, external evidence to prove it. I'll explain more about those things in another post.
We've also been changing our financial situation. We're becoming aware that the difficult times we have had emotionally and spiritually have really made a huge impact on our spending habits and skills. We know better than to have gotten ourselves in the sticky situation we are in right now, especially since our income is so unpredictable. But, excuses are no excuse. We've screwed up and now we have to fix it! So, after about 5 friends told me about Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover, we checked it out. A friend let me borrow her book and I read it in one day! We're on board and we are getting on the right track. I wish it could all be fixed tomorrow but it's going to take some time. But, if you know me, you know I love a challenge so here we go! :) To go right along with this mentality of being wiser stewards of money, I'm thinking of joining yet another challenge a few of my friends are doing. It involves NOT spending money! I think that'll work for us! You can read about what my friends are doing here and here.
Last but not least I have been changing spiritually. I'm learning to embrace my questions and doubts as an important part of my process. I'm reading lots of books and they have been tremendously healing to me. Some of them include books by Anne Lammott (mainly Traveling Mercies and Plan B- More Thoughts on Faith) as well as Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, and Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell (again). And, I'm about to start Letters from a Skeptic by Greg Boyd. Then maybe I'll move on to Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. I don't plan on staying in this place of doubt forever, but it is where I am and I cannot ignore it and hope it goes away. I have been comforted by the thoughts that these authors share, even if I don't agree with everything they say. It shows me that not all Christians are the same, look the same, believe the same things. As Rob Bell would say, "God has spoken, the rest is just commentary." We all get an opinion, but no one really knows for sure...it comes down to faith and making a choice about what you believe even if you can't prove it. I've also been encouraged meeting other people who think it's really distracting to argue amongst ourselves about whose doctrine is right when we could be out there loving people who need Jesus. I love a good debate...that is not what I'm talking about. I'm speaking to the prideful way we go about trying to convince others that our personal experience and beliefs is how everyone needs to believe. It's just plain divisive and hurtful. We have more important work to do!
Ok, more specific thoughts on all of that to come. Glad to be back!

Sorry

2008-02-01T15:51:00.001-06:00

While it seems I may have quit blogging altogether, I assure you, I have not. I just don't have the stinking time anymore. The computer is still in Abraham's room which means that I can't blog while he's sleeping anymore. He's too smart for that now...he could be in the middle of a great nap and if I so much as peek in on him, he pops his head right up. So, my entries are going to be few and far between for a few more weeks while we figure out what to do about this. We could put the computer and desk in our room, but that would interfere with the "retreat" feeling I'm going for in there. I'm thinking basement near the kids' playroom, but we have to get someone out here to do electrical work for that and you know, money's not rolling in with the real estate market these days. So there is my dilema. Any suggestions? Because I have about 15 blogs bouncing around in my head! :)

That smells like boy

2007-12-21T14:09:00.001-06:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about the phrase "victim of motherhood." I first heard of it while talking with my dear friend, Julie. We were discussing this awful but very common mentality stay-at-home mothers adapt. It's as if we are so surprised and put-out that this job we have of raising our children is so consuming and unrelenting. We talked about how we never get that feeling of accomplishment that is so rewarding. In other professions, we can put a project in the finished box or "done" pile. At home, as soon as we catch up with the laundry, there's 6 more loads behind it. If we clean a bathroom, within 5 minutes someone pees on the floor. As soon a we are done making lunch, cleaning up the kids, and then cleaning the mess...it's time to think about dinner. When we finally like our child has learned how to speak without whining, he needs to be taught how to share his toys...again. But she said something I want to seep into my soul. She said how easy it is to feel like a victim of motherhood, rather than the joy and honor it is. I've been thinking on that for weeks now and I just can't get it out of my head. I so easily get defeated and overwhelmed and exhausted with this task. But, it's by far the most important thing I will ever do and the biggest contribution I can make to this world. If my children can feel that they (even with their quirks and irritating behaviors) were never a burden, I will have one thing to put in the proverbial "done" pile. Now, how to do that and still civilize and discipline them will be the challenge!
So Eliot and Emerson made a great little tent today using a shelf turned upside-down and covered with blankets. They were having so much fun and laughing so hard, so I had to peek in and see what they were doing. As I did so, I was greeted with a gentle smell I can only describe as "boy". I hope I'm not the only one who knows this smell...and that it's not just MY boys! :) (They really just had a bath yesterday). I think the smell was a mixture of hard work and a lot of laughing. Anyway, I just sat there for a minute and watched them.
I felt thankful I got to stop working on my "to do list" for a while and notice the smells and sounds little boys make.

Thanksgiving

2007-11-29T13:29:00.002-06:00

Ok, I know I'm way late on this one, but we've been sick, busy, etc, etc. Someday soon I'm going to move my computer out of my baby's room so I can actually use it once in a while. Anyway, I thought I'd list some things I am thankful for.
1. My husband of 8 years. For these reasons:
He is so kind and soft spoken
He is an incredibly "checked-in" father
He works so hard and long so I can stay home to raise our three boys.
He's the kind of brilliant that you can't describe to anyone in words. I'm constantly amazed and intrigued by his smarty-pants self.
He makes me think...which used to bother me, but now I kinda like it.
He's got strong beliefs about life, God, and the human state, but doesn't feel the need to talk about it with everyone.
He's humble and rarely admits to his own gifts, talents and credentials, of which there are plenty.
He is super funny...in a quiet and dry kind of way, and then sometimes in totally bizarre, crazy way.
He respects everyone's opinion, whether he agrees or not.
(ok, so you all don't think I'm a total goon, I have to say that he drives me crazy too! He's messy and not handy around the house...how's that for realistic?? :)
2. My kids...I talk about them on here a lot, so I won't expound too much.
Eliot: I love the amazing way God has wired my first-born to be incredibly inquisitive and determined. His love for people and of learning is inspiring.
Emerson: I am crazy about this boy. He's so much like Matt, except with a stubborn streak...which makes him very mysterious to me!
Abraham: The boy that lights up a room just by being in it!
3. Our parents for their wisdom and support in our lives. We know how blessed we are to have two sets of parents who are healthy (in every way) that live close by and are here for our kids.
4. Our health thus far.
5. Life. I'm thankful to be alive in such a beautiful world with such beautiful people. I'm thankful for every breath God's given me and I pray I can honor him with each one I take.
6. Friends and family. Oh, if I could come close to expressing what it's meant to me to have fellowship and community with such amazing people. I have old friends and new ones that I feel humbled and honored to have in my life. I love people and I feel very loved by so many. Isn't that part of what we were created for? To find healing and nurturing and maturity in each other? I love that God usually uses people (flawed and hurting and messed up in our own ways) to help each other find Him.
7. God. He seems so far at times and unmistakably near at others. I'm thankful He's still in control and I don't have to be (if I could just remember that!). I'm thankful that He's moving and working in my life and in those all around me. I'm thankful for His promise that I can find Him when I search for Him with all my heart.

Well, I know there are so many more things I'm thankful for, but I want to stop there and think on it for a while.

Sweet Baby

2007-11-13T16:56:00.002-06:00

I can't believe that Abraham is already 6 months old! I feel like I had him yesterday! Actually, I feel like I had Emerson yesterday, and he's 2! Anyway, Abraham is by far the most easy-going and happy baby I have had. Honestly, I didn't even want him when I found out I was pregnant! I wasn't even sure I wanted him months after he was born. But I'm nothing if not honest and I even told him how much I wanted to bond with him and love him. I told him I was sorry for not wanting him. I know it sounds silly, but I needed to be honest with him and everyone else about how I was feeling. I think he forgave me. I know he did. Every night for the last week or so we have cuddled on the couch together for hours...his head on my shoulder and his hands on my face. Seriously, I could cry just thinking about it. He is such an incredible blessing in my life. I'm so thankful for a God that gives gifts in unexpected packages. Anyway, my sweet sister-in-law, Sarah, took these pictures. She's working on starting a photography business, so if you have any need for someone to shoot some inexpensive family pics, let me know! And, if anyone knows how to put pictures on here without making it look ridiculous like this, let me know! :)

Funny things Eliot said

2007-11-09T15:23:00.001-06:00

I rarely have the time to write down all the funny things my kids say, so I'm going to try to write them here once in a while. Well, Eliot really is the only one saying funny things since he talks so much. Emerson's just recently exploded with vocabulary, but what he says is very cute because of inflection and facial expressions...not so much the independent thoughts! :)

Eliot (5): Mommy, I just drank out of the cup that we wash our hair with and that I put my tentacles in!

Eliot: Mommy, I have so much joy in my heart for Abraham. It won't all fit, so I have to give him some.

Eliot: (As Emerson bends over right in front of Eliot's face while in the bathtub) O, I just saw Emerson's birth song! (Since we have home births I was afraid that Eliot might wake up one night to hear me in labor so I explained and we read books about how when a mommy is in labor she may make noise, which we called a birth song, because it's a lot of work to have a baby. I have no idea how that translates to Emerson's butt.)

Eliot: Eliot's always been very verbal. He was speaking in complete sentences and expressing complete thoughts by 15-18 months. So, there really aren't many things he mispronounces or doesn't say correctly anymore. Which is why this sentence made me laugh so much! "Mom, Emerson be'd a feith!" (Translation: Emerson's being a thief).

Meaningful Moments

2007-10-22T14:25:00.002-05:00

I have had some really precious moments with Eliot lately. We talk a lot about those who are less fortunate than we are. I feel very strongly in modeling and demonstrating to my kids that we are responsible to help those who need it. So, as you know by now, we are getting involved with the Iowa Homeless Youth Centers in Des Moines. Eliot's been asking a lot of questions and been very interested in what we are doing. If you know him, you also know that he's been completely obsessed with money and counting it lately. He will stack up his quarters, nickels, dimes and pennies (sorting them, of course) :0 ) and counting. We've talked to him about how we can give money to help other people have a meal or a place to sleep, but he's always been like, "no way am I giving my money away to anyone!" We haven't pushed it since he's 5 and all! :) We just keep talking. The other day when he was counting his money while I was reading a book, he said, "Mom, i think I want to give some of this to the kids who have no homes." This was such a breakthrough moment for him, so I teared up and then helped him start a bowl where he can put money into whenever he wants to and it will go with us on Nov. 2. I, of course, affirmed his desire to help and praised him for it. Then he asked if he could come with us that night. So, I said he could. It was really sweet.
Then, Saturday night I took Emerson and Eliot for a walk in the stroller. It was already dark and the stars were out. Eliot looked up into the sky and said, "mom, I think I can see God!" I was like, "Wow! Show me where!" He pointed to some cool-looking clouds and we just marveled at the beauty. I said, "You know, we can see God's fingerprints on everything in nature. The sky, the trees, the mountains. It's all been created by God and it is all so amazing." I realized then that he's still 5 and very concrete in his thinking because he wanted to see God's actual fingerprints. I smiled and just explained that we can know there is a God because of what we see in nature. But then my 5 year old little boy astounded me with a question that goes beyond his years. He said, "Mommy, did God make poor people?" I sort of lost my ability to think clearly. I said, "What do you mean?" He said, "Well, God makes beautiful things, why would he make people to be poor and have no house or no clothes or no food?" I stumbled around for a minute trying to think of something to say. But, I decided to be honest and admit that that is a very hard thing to understand and that I don't entirely know why. But, I added, "I think it makes God very sad that those people have such a hard life, but I think he thought we would all be a little more helpful."
Emerson just listened quietly while we talked.

I QUIT!

2007-10-19T08:39:00.001-05:00

Ok, I have to complain about the last few days over here. While there have been pockets of beauty, it's mostly been more than I can bear! Tuesday...long stressful day with normal activity. Matt's stressed with work and I took on this fundraising thing, which is fun, but adds more work to the day. We're supposed to go out with Jake and Sarah for a concert that night, but Abraham decides to completely switch his schedule and wakes up from a nap at the time he's supposed to go down to bed for the night! Which meant we either had to take him with us or not go. With all the stress we decided not to go. Since my parents were already here to babysit, we opted for an ice cream from Marble Slab instead. It was nice to get out of the house!
Wednesday...I have all three kids bathed and dressed and breakfasted and in the car by 8:35am! Not without chaos, of course. Emerson cried through the entire bath...he didn't want one! Abraham cried through their bath...he wanted to be held. But, we had Bible Study to get to by 9 at church. I had a great morning in fellowship with the other ladies and I didn't get paged once! Abraham did great and had just laid down for a nap when I came to get them at 11:30. Oh, well, right? He can nap later! I proceeded to go to lunch with the girls at the mall and then hit the playland. We had a blast and I just love my friends. I look so forward to Wednesday mornings all week long! BUT, we didn't get home until 2:30 and Abraham had now only had 2 20 minute naps! Needless to say, the kids were all cranky and exhausted. But, we didn't have much else for the day, so they could sleep all they needed, right? WRONG! Abraham had one more 20 minute nap for the entire day! Matt took one look at me when he walked in the door from work and said, "You should go..." I had to go grocery shopping because Hy-Vee gives a 10% savings on everything in the health market on Wednesdays... great get-away, huh? But, my neighbor had to run errands too, so we went to Khol's and Hy-Vee together and it was actually quite nice. Although I now have to deal with the fact that I shop too much when I'm stressed. Thursday...plans for the morning were canceled so we could have a normal day. And, it was really nice...until about 4ish. Matt had a 10 hour day, so I was already getting exhausted. Abraham was napping better, fortunately, but I wasn't feeling great, so I didn't get nearly enough done around the house! And, I have TONS to do! By the time Matt got home, I was about to fall apart. I had a headache the size of Texas and if I looked at the mess in the kitchen for one more second I was going to blow! Then, Emerson got stubborn, as he does sometimes and wouldn't eat dinner, which happened to be stuffed peppers. Eliot ate the entire thing, loaded with veggies, but Emerson wouldn't touch it! For some reason I was feeling stubborn, too and I told him there wasn't another option. He didn't have to eat it, but if he was hungry that's all there was. For the next 2 hours there was crying and begging. But I couldn't back down now. I did change my tune a little and said he just had to TASTE it and then he could have something else. HE IS SO STUBBORN! Finally, at 8pm (bedtime, mind you) he finally tasted it! And, liked it! So, he had some of that, and a pear and then went to bed. Ahh, finally! Oh, wait. Emerson decided to bring the stubborn with him and cried and called us up there off and on (about every 5-10 minutes) until 10pm!!!! At 10:02, Abraham wakes up for his first feeding of the night. I actually cried! I fell into bed at 10:30, cried in Matt's arms a bit longer, and went to sleep, praying we'd have a good night. Abraham was up at 12:30, 2:30, 4:15, 5:45, and up for the day at 6:45!!! I cried again!
I need to go feed the kids breakfast. But if you see or hear of anyone looking for my life, let them know there's a position open!

Sleeping Under the Stars

2007-10-18T12:04:00.001-05:00

Wow...I don't even know where to begin. I am so excited about this opportunity to help with a local organization called Iowa Homeless Youth Centers. They are having a fundraiser to support giving kids under 18 who are homeless food, clothing, and a place to sleep as well as opportunities for education and experiences to enhance their quality of life. It is called Reggie's Sleepout named after a young boy in Des Moines who was found dead in the Des Moines River just 2 months after aging out of the foster care system. The organization is trying to raise awareness and money to help these youth who find themselves in serious situations similar to Reggie's. One startling statistic is that Iowa ranks one of the highest on the scale for homeless youth under the age of 18 (per capita) in the nation! The sleepout itself will be so much fun! (Although, unfortunately, we can't do it because of Abraham) Everyone can bring their own decorated cardboard box and sleepout under the stars. There will be entertainment, food, games, etc. Our small group has decided to start giving back to our community. This opportunity came up and we jumped on it! We will be stationed at the registration tables. We've also started to raise money for Reggie's Sleepout. Our team name is "Giving Back". You can donate or learn more about getting involved here . You can sign up for the sleepout, or just donate money or both! If you want to donate click on General Team Donation. If you want to participate in any way, either by sleeping out or by helping at the registration desk, click on Join our Team. If you want to help at the registration table, you need to let me know by posting a response to this blog and I will need some information from you!
I am CONVINCED that as Christians we have an obligation to meet the needs of our fellow human beings who are suffering. What better way to show the love and kindness of Jesus to those in our own community? Please consider joining us in some way!

Hooligans

2007-10-02T14:50:00.001-05:00

While traveling on I-235 on my way to a meeting last night, I got a flat tire. Not just any flat tire, mind you...I ran over something really big! At first I thought I'd just run over some run-of-the-mill debris that a truck may have dropped. But when I pulled over I realized I wasn't the only one with a flat tire. I was one of seven! The guy parked in front of me on the busy highway came over and said he saw some kids throwing stuff over the bridge onto the traffic! I was shocked that anyone could do that. But I was really amazed that everyone was clam and peaceful. One lady across the street yelled over to ask if I was ok, and another came to tell me that she had her three year-old daughter with her but that they were ok. We were all just so thankful to be alive. A few policemen and women came and took our contact information and three highway helper trucks came to help us switch our tires. While one of the guys was working on my tire, I asked him if he knew what the kids were throwing. He said, "Yeah...I picked it up already...it's in the back of my truck...go take a look." So I did. And I took a few pictures. In case it's too hard to see, I'll tell you what it was. Lots of cement blocks, a steel pipe about 4 or 5 feet long, I'd guess, and a 2X4 about as long or longer than the steel pipe. The guy yelled, "It's really amazing no one got hurt or died!" All I could do was stare. Had the kids been a better aim, one cement block to a windshield would have killed one of us. I said, "I'm pretty sure we were protected by angels."
So, I went on my merry way thankful to be alive, but I can't help but think about the kids. I've been told by reporters and detectives that keep calling my house that there were 4 kids about 13 or 14 years old that live near the interstate. They were pretty close to catching them all. I feel so much pity for them. How sad they must be on the inside to put so many people's lives in danger and not even care...to even get a laugh out of it! If you think of it, pray today that these boys get enough of a wake-up call through this experience to think about life with more respect. Even their own lives. I shudder to think of their futures if this is not enough to get their attention.

Recent Endeavors

2007-10-01T14:05:00.001-05:00

We finally took the plunge into cloth diapers and love them so far. Here's a few pics of Abraham sporting the new look. We also took the boys to the apple orchard this weekend and had such a blast...we went with our dear friends, the Vansickels.

There's always another step

2007-09-20T21:32:00.001-05:00

So for about 5 years now Matt and I have been on a terribly slow journey of becoming more healthy and wise about food, and life and everything. It started by just taking soda out of our home. And, now if you look in my fridge and cabinets you'll find mostly organic foods, and very little to no "junk food." Although, I have to say that I'm not a Nazi about it...we definitely splurge once in a while. And, I don't consider ice cream to be junk food...it's medicine for me...I know I have a prescription laying around here somewhere!
Although I'm nowhere near where I want to be with our diets and it's a continual process, we are also now focusing on being more wise environmentally and medically. I am learning more each day and I'm so thankful to have great friends that know more than I do about it all. My friend Sara is as green as it gets...check out this and see what she and her family are doing for the next year! It's truly amazing. And then there is my neighbor, Kristen, who is like a walking encyclopedia when it comes to medical stuff.
The biggest lesson I am learning in all of this is that I can never be done learning. I am fascinated by all of this so much more now because I have children I'm trying to raise!
So, call me granola if you want, but think about this: How is it not our problem to care about what we are putting in our bodies or our children's bodies or into the air that we are breathing? Didn't God put us on this earth in one state and aren't we living in an entirely different one altogether?
So much more on this topic later...I'm way to tired and I need ice cream!

Loss of Innocence

2007-09-12T13:15:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was chilly. I was so happy to get to the first day I could justify wearing a sweatshirt. I know all you trendy people out there gasp at the thought, but if you know me you know that being trendy isn't really my thing. I think I look really weird in those clothes...and so do you, but weird looks good on some people, just not me. I look so fabulous in sweats, though. :) So anyway, I was wearing my first sweatshirt of the season and feeling very happy. Then I decided I wanted to make chili and cookies. I just had to have them. So I asked Matt to go to the store just to get chili ingredients and I had to borrow some from my neighbor to make the cookies. But I was determined. Dinner was great. My kids ate the chili, and it's rare that I find a meal that we can all enjoy. After dinner, we cleaned up and they boys wanted to help me make the cookies. It was then that this beautiful day turned sour.
The boys were "helping" by adding the flour, etc to the spinning mixer, and tasting chocolate chips here and there. It was actually really fun...even for a perfectionist like myself. But then came time to put the cookies into the hot oven. I told the boys to move out of the way, like I always do, to avoid getting burned. Eliot got a serious look on his face and asked, "what would happen if you put me in there?" I said, "In the oven?! I would never do that!" His eyes got bigger and he asked again, "but what would happen?" I said, "well, you'd get burns all over...it's way too hot in there." I sort of held my breath while I watched him ponder this, knowing what he was going to ask next. "Mom, would a bandit put me in a hot oven?" Eliot's had this fascination with bandits for a while now. I think it started with Veggie Tales when some bandits took Larry's milk money. He's never really been scared of them, but we have talked about strangers and how some strangers might be bandits so that's why we can only talk to them if Mom or Dad are with him. For all I know he may have assumed a bandit would take him to play and bring him back. I haven't felt the need to discuss what could happen to little boys who are taken from their parents. But in this moment while baking cookies together, I knew that Eliot had just realized evil.
He's known naughty and bad, but not evil. I was teary the rest of the night thinking about what he'd just lost. No longer will his mind be free from the horrible things that happen to people every day. He was very upset and scared the rest of the night. There were a few quivering lips and lots of whispering. He would frequently bring it up to talk about again, but he'd whisper and say that he didn't even want to talk about it out loud. I told him that he was so blessed to be put in a home where things like that don't happen and that our family is safe and he doesn't need to be afraid. We prayed and asked Jesus to take away the fear. I know that the next step is for us to explain that being a Christian means that we are to find the people who are hurting and to take care of them and help them. But first I'm going to mourn the loss of my son's innocence.

He's reading!

2007-09-08T16:27:00.001-05:00

So, my first-born just started to read recently! Ok, it's very slow and painstaking, but it's definitely the early stages of reading. Eliot has always been interested in language, talking mostly. :) He wrote his name for the first time at age 2 1/2, and has been able to pick out some really small words like dog or on. But, I have no time to work with him at all...I went to school to learn how to help kids learn and I haven't been able to help my own kids learn...irony. I always thought I'd be the mom with lesson plans and developmental portfolios starting at age 2 weeks. I think that went out the window as soon as Eliot was born. Survival is now my top priority. So, I was a bit sad that I didn't really "teach" Eliot how to read. I was reading him a book before bed the other night and after the first page of Yertle the Turtle, he grabbed the book out of my hand and proceeded to read the next few pages. I was like, "since when have you been doing that?" He said, "I don't know." And ever since, he's been reading all the time and writing letters to everyone. They aren't always spelled correctly or legible, but he rarely asks for help.
So that was that. Eliot can read and write...well is learning how to read and write...on his own...without me. My big boy is growing up.

It takes a village

2007-08-31T13:08:00.001-05:00

Since Abraham has been born, we really haven't done much away from home. By that I mean, I'd be crazy to take 3 kids under the age of 5 out of the house! So, every afternoon for our big activity of the day, we go outside to play with the neighbors. Which, I must say has been a huge blessing. We are fortunate to have wonderful neighbors that we trust and love our kids to play with.
Anyway, the other day their mom, Kristen (at Bristow School--I don't know how to highlight her name and have it be the link to her blog), and I were talking while the kids played and she saw Emerson doing something he shouldn't...probably climbing too high, or throwing sand, you know, the typical 2 year-old boy stuff. She very kindly and sternly told him to stop. But, then she apologized for yelling at him. I, of course, told her that was silly and that I appreciated that she saw what he was doing before I did.
But, I have been thinking about this for days now...how, in this country we have lost the sense of community. To each his own. Every man for himself. Mind your own business. It's a "do it yourself" world we live in. We fill our time with autonomous activities and and have no time for true community. But, aren't we more lonely and isolated? Or are we too busy to notice? I know families who literally never sit and eat a meal together, much less share one with friends. They are too busy with work, school, and putting their kids in 15 sports starting at age 5...they don't have time for friends. I was reading the other day and the author was reminiscing about growing up in a time where it was common to drive or walk to someone's house unannounced and have lemonade on the patio. He remembers being a kid and hearing the doorbell ring in the middle of the day and jumping to see who he got to play with for the afternoon. Can you even imagine? That would be considered so rude now. We wouldn't think of asking someone to drop whatever important thing they are working on to have a cup of tea and talk...assuming they are even home to begin with.
Matt was reading a book that pretty much says that the divorce rate in this country is directly linked to our lack of true community. We don't have time for relationships anymore. Our friends aren't involved enough in our lives to ask how our marriage is doing or to be there when it's falling apart.
Ok, so where is all this ranting going? I don't know. I guess I think of Hilary Clinton who is famous for, among other things, saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." Well, she's right! I just don't agree with the village she's referring to. It's not the government's job to raise our kids. But, without friends, neighbors, and extended family to support us in life, how can we possibly make it...not just survive...but thrive? I, for one, believe that my kids, my marriage, and my life are better when we are in community. So, if you see my kids misbehaving, please tell them to stop...I need all the help I can get...or for anyone else that enjoys an impromptu afternoon tea, just show up at my door...you are always welcome.

Miracles

2007-08-27T08:42:00.001-05:00

I'm more acutely aware of the "little" miracles we encounter daily. We had one here on Saturday and I just haven't been able to bring myself to writing about it. It's been very emotional and has even interfered with sleep! :)
Emerson and Abraham were taking their naps and I had just sat down at the computer, which is upstairs in a bedroom. Eliot has been spending a little more time with me during naptime since he doesn't nap anymore and his behavior this summer revealed that he needed to have some more quality time with Mommy. So, our typical routine is that I check my e-mail/blog while he watches a quiet show for about 15-20 minutes and then I come down and we either clean together or read or play a game, whatever. Eliot came up and asked if he could have this piece of candy that he found on the counter...it was a cinnamon hard candy. I said he could have it but that I didn't think he'd like it because it was spicy. But he insisted that he liked spicy things, so I said fine and that I'd be down in a little while. I was deep into e-mailing when I heard Eliot stomping up the stairs about 5 minutes later. I was about to yell at him for being so noisy during naptime..which is a typical conversation that we have. But, as soon as I looked at him I knew something was very wrong. His eyes were wild and his arms were flailing. I knew instantly that he was choking on that stupid piece of candy. He wasn't breathing or coughing or anything. I said, "oh, Eliot!" and grabbed him around the waist with one arm. I was about to get the other hand around him and start doing the Heimlich when he spit the candy out. Apparently my initial grab was hard enough or he coughed or something because it came right out. I picked him up, went into my room, sat on the floor with him on my lap and we both cried! I think it was probably the scariest moment of motherhood for me thus far. In that moment, all the what-ifs began to overwhelm me. What if he hadn't come upstairs...I wouldn't have come down for at least 15 minutes. What if I couldn't get it out? What if I had to call Matt and tell him I let Eliot have a piece of candy and he choked on it and died? So I held Eliot really hard and cried a little more. I think he was being squished because he wiggled his way out and was ready to go play again. But, first I had a conversation with him about not laying down while eating (which is what he had done), and how he did just the right thing by coming to get me right away. The rest of the day, nothing he did annoyed me, which is really rare, since he is a 5 year-old boy. He couldn't scream to loud or be too wild or too mean. Perspective is a beautiful gift.
I wonder if there really are guardian angels.